Highball / Lowbrow [9/29/11]

How ‘bout that for a title? Seems fitting. In the spirit of full disclosure, it came to me on the toilet (like many of modern man’s great ideas). Appropriate, given my potty mouth here on GP. Seems it’s doubly-fitting, then. Double… the deuce… Ah, the circle of life. Hakuna Matata, bitches!

Without further ado, I present this week’s 10-some…

10) Marquise Goodwin. So, Andrew Abbott, at last we meet again for the first time for the last time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7xj6eYBMn0. You lost your Lord Helmet there, Andrew.

9) OSU vs. A&M: A Tale of Two Halves. This was my first extended look at either team this year, and I’ve gotta say I came away thoroughly… confused. The Cowboys looked like poor, defenseless (literally) sheep in the KC truck lights in the first half, and the Aggies had their way with them. It was ugly. Then, Mike Gundy pulled Heisman-hopeful(?) QB Brandon Weeden aside at halftime and was heard to say, “That first half was GARBAGE!... You and me, we’re men! WE’RE 40!!!” An inspired Weeden emerged in the 2^nd half. Justin Blackmon still couldn’t run a decent route, but it didn’t matter. Ok State picked off pass after pass and imposed their will on the Aggies, who embarrassed themselves – more than usual – in front of the 12^th Man. So, what did we learn in this game? No, seriously, what did we learn?

8) Excuse the Star Wars Reference. We may have lost him to the dark side, but I still have a soft spot in my heart for Will Muschamp. How can you not appreciate exchanges with the media like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Gp7ckbHsMw?... And really intense stares on really creepy media guide covers like this: http://www.saturdaydownsouth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/gatormediaguide.jpg?... And, most of all, bloody sideline antics like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ_eN-kUBXI? A part of me died on 12/11/10, but Muschamp’s departure set off a necessary chain of events that has positively transformed the Texas coaching staff and program.

7) Texas Rangers. Who thought the Rangers would be better this year without Cliff Lee? A night after being eliminated from the playoffs, the Angels got Napolized on Wednesday. As a result, the Rangers not only set a new franchise record with 96 wins but stayed one game ahead of the Tigers to secure home-field advantage in the ALDS. Their opponent? The Rays, who overcame a 7-run deficit to defeat the damn dirty Yankees 8-7 on an Evan Longoria walk-off HR in the 12^th inning Wednesday night (his second of the game). CJ “Please don’t sign with the Yankees next year” Wilson will start game 1 on Friday, and Derek Holland will start game 2 on Saturday. The Red Sox will watch from home, having blown an MLB record-setting 9-game lead in the AL Wild Card race. Suck it, BoSox… Suck it wicked had (that’s “hard” in Neanderthal).

6) Steve Bartman. I grew up a huge Phillies fan and later became an even bigger Rangers fan… but I’ve always been a Cubbies fan, too. Harry Caray and the hum of the “Friendly Confines” was a big part of the soundtrack of my youth, because WGN followed me wherever we moved. When I finally went to my first game at Wrigley, it was spiritual. Chicago is just a special place – my favorite big city. I remember watching game 6 of the ALCS in 2003. I remember the Steve Bartman incident and Moises Alou blowing a gasket in left field. But, after watching “Catching Hell” on ESPN the other night, I realized how easily I’d forgotten or repressed so much of the remainder of that game and series. Like Mark Prior’s wild pitch, the sure-handed Alex Gonzalez booting a groundball to extend that fateful 8^th inning, the rest of the eight runs the Marlins scored that night. Shit, game 7 altogether. Spoiler Alert: They never interview Bartman in the film, but it’s a fascinating, introspective, DVR-worthy journey, nonetheless. I’m a big-time sucker for ESPN Films… Although I’ll likely skip the upcoming film “Renee” about the he-she tennis player, bless his/her heart.

5) Jermichael Finley. One thing’s for sure, Jermichael is a man. He was the man for the Packers on Sunday against the Bears, hauling in seven catches for 85 yards and three TDs. (Sorry, Chicago.) With Finley’s emergence in the NFL, it’s hard not to daydream about what could have been if he’d stuck around campus longer. DJ Grant is providing a glimpse, and the sky’s the limit if the TE position continues its resurgence in the Texas offense.

4) Antonio Romo. Tony Romo read my last post, rushed into a telephone booth and emerged as Antonio Romo (“Man of Kevlar”?) Monday night. Like Clark Kent, Tony is a putz… but his alter ego is supremely heroic. Aided by the Redskins allegedly tampering with Antonio’s snap count, rookie center Phil Costa thrice did his best Lex Luthor impersonation to no avail. DeMarcus Ware recorded only one sack and was abused on most plays, but the Redskins couldn’t avoid Sean Lee – recently named NFC Defensive Player of the Month (unbelievably, a first in Cowboys history) with 36 tackles, two fumble recoveries, three passes broken up and two interceptions in two games – and Anthony Spencer, who called the fumble he forced to end Rexy’s not-so-sexy comeback attempt in the game’s closing minute. Guess who recovered the fumble – Sean Lee. I struggle to say that the Cowboys have finally found their kicker, but rookie Dan Bailey’s six field goals on MNF certainly serve as a strong opening statement to the case he’s building. Unfortunately, it will take more than that this Sunday. Like General Zod (http://www.getthebigpicture.net/storage/joel/general-zod.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1298770950364) and his Planet Krypton criminal cast-offs, the 3-0 (WTF!?!) Detroit Lions will descend ominously upon Jerry World. Matt Stafford and Calvin Johnson should have a field day with our banged-up DBs, and Suh and the Lions D should provide a truer test for Antonio’s ribs and his patience with his backup receivers (who should know the offense but inexcusably do not). I can only hope that Romo finds his inner Fortress of Solitude, makes the Lions his Lois Lane and leads the Cowboys to another W.

3) Longhorns QBs. We’ve got Case McCoy (clearly option 1A after the UCLA game), David Ash (option 1B) and John Pink Floyd (a walk-on). Wish You Were Here, Connor Wood. I wasn’t hoping to see Gilbert again this year but took a wee bit of comfort knowing he was available, if needed. Dude can sling it – We just ruined his mind last year (and his shoulder vs. Rice, apparently). He seems pretty content, happier even, in a ballcap with a clipboard on the sideline… but my money is on him transferring, if he can medical redshirt. It’s in his best interest. Anyways, am I the only one that’s really, really uncomfortable with our situation? The Longhorn team that lives by the McCoy-Ash tandem equally exposes itself to dying by it. As both quarterbacks and the rest of the Horns continue to mature and improve, it will be interesting to see if we start relying less on a QB-by-committee approach and settle into something more traditional.

2) And it’s goodbye to A&M. I’m going to try to keep this on a middle school reading level and be as brief, balanced and respectful as possible. Please don’t mistake that for a lack of education or opinion on the matter. It’s just exhausting, otherwise... I’ve long contended that the Aggies saved the Big 12 a year ago. I also contend that they, not Nebraska or Colorado (or Texas), nearly killed it more recently. Ironically, by way of a subsequent series of complicated events and dealings, the Longhorn Network will allow the Big 12 to be saved. Neither it nor Texas, however, will save it. That will be up to the very capable Chuck Neinas and ALL of the remaining conference members. The Big 12 is a good thing – seriously – and we will be fine without A&M. I hope they enjoy the SEC… and that they wear their big boy pants to all the Big 12 stadiums they visit from here on out.

1) Iowa State Prediction. As if I needed to get more psyched out, Nik informed me this morning that Gus Johnson will call the game in Ames this weekend. Oh my goodness! I got excited on a, well, Gus Johnson level. I see Texas 34, Iowa State 23, which is more than I’d like to credit to an offense led by “Steele Jantz”(sounds more like a catcher than a quarterback, if you know what I mean). The UCLA game proved that I was onto something with my premonition after BYU, but the Cyclones are better than the Bruins. I see big things out of Keenan Robinson and Kenny Vaccaro on D and a continuation of JaXXon© Shipley’s coming-out party (just an expression, Steele) and Fozzy’s situational genius on O. Hook ‘em!