Whilst finishing the construction of my soon-to-be child’s crib and internally debating the benefits of never setting foot in a Wal-Mart or IKEA ever again, I realized that we hadn’t done a full Top 25 breakdown this season. Shameful.
Admittedly, the majority of the following post was planned during the consumption of Sunday afternoon Maker’s Manhattans. I have fully validated the need for celebratory alcoholic beverages post-infant furniture building. You should have seen the stupor that was the result of finishing both a chest of drawers and changing table in the same afternoon. I may or may not have offended the elderly Russian couple down the hall. Rather than offensive Communism commentary and obscenities geared toward Vladimir Putin, you get the following:
1. Alabama 8-0- I actually amaze myself with this choice and trust me, I can perform the arguments on my own but feel free to send the emails. The Defense continues to absolutely dominate even if the offense is the equivalent of watching the first 100 laps of a Nascar race. I’m convinced it can only be enjoyed if you have a lipper of Skoal packed and you’re pounding a Keystone. Saban is lucky that Lane Kiffen has the game management skills of a sloth…a dead one.
2. Texas 7-0- Amazing how the offense can look when field-stretching speed is allowed on the field and Colt McCoy isn’t suffering from Black Plague. The use of both Cody Johnson and Fozzy Whittaker in the backfield to implement an actual “running game” changes everything. The result? Pistol whipping of Missouri on the road with 35 points in the first half. Will Muschamp continues to instruct the defense on Mongolian warfare. We are frightening headed into Stillwater. Just about everything we could hope for.
3. Florida 7-0- Tim Tebow refuses to speak with media after throwing two pick-6’s in a tighter than expected win over Mississippi State. My guess is that he spent the post game conversing with the Lord about Zone coverage and ways he might be blessed with quicker reaction for blitz pick-up. God’s response? Sure, Tim, as soon as I’m done with the whole Pig Flu, Darfur genocide, and re-direction of a massive meteor headed for the sun I’ll be all over it. It has become a weekly occurrence that my “faith” in this team dwindles significantly.
4. USC 6-1- This is not a national championship team and I am tired of that consideration. Matt Barkley is extremely impressive as a freshman but this offense still has no business on the field with a Bama, TX, or Florida. What concerns me most (beyond the inevitable growth of Matt Barkley’s doucheness) is the lack of focus on D late in games. Neither Notre Dame nor Oregon State had any business making a game out of it headed into the fourth quarter yet there they both were. Is it coaching? Is it lack of discipline? Is it Petro Papadakis? The swagger is gone. That much I can tell. Teams are no longer intimidated by that stupid song they play every 3 minutes.
5. Iowa 8-0- This steroid laden version of the Vienna Boys Choir continues to find a way. I have thoroughly enjoyed waiting until the last three minutes of a Hawkeye game before even glancing at it seeing as the result seems to be following a trend: Kickoff, put viewers to sleep for 2 hours before…Voila! Last second victory over mediocre Big Ten opponent. They’re a 6 year-old’s dance recital with Cirque du Soleil as the closer.
6. Cincinnati 7-0- How can you not love this team? Playing with a second-string QB and a second-rate defense in a third-rate conference whose laurels were rested heavily on the likes of Rutgers headed into the season. Brian Kelly is getting everything he can out of these guys on a weekly basis and this has to be one of the most impressive coaching jobs you could possibly analyze over the past three seasons. Brian Kelly’s name suggests he should be running a pub on the outskirts of Worcester. Instead, he is in the midst of taking the Cincy to it’s second BCS bowl in as many seasons.
7. TCU 7-0- I would typically range into a rant here defying the BCS for a potential un-worthy out of the Mountain West or WAC having claim to a spot. However, with this team, I can’t. Granted, the Frogs will more than likely end up in a bowl against a major conference team who will naturally beat them with a rubber hose
8. Oregon 6-1- This is what it was supposed to look like before the coaching staff forgot how to be aggressive and a certain running back decided to go all “One Punch Mickey” on that future dealership owning lineman in Boise. On offense, the Ducks can be a Gatling gun if you get sucked into the mis-direction and run-focused play-action. It truly is a thing of beauty watching the well-oiled machine that is Chip Kelly’s spread offense. It’s 2007 West Virginia with a pit bull who can throw the ball at QB. “Defense” remains a mystery word that locals maintain means some form of soft cheese or used as a verb would mean to gesture someone to walk through a door first.
9. LSU 6-1- The story has been well documented all season. Tons of individual talent with a significant lack of on-field leadership. The VH1 Behind the Music would be heavily focused on Jefferson’s inability to be creative in the pocket and the subsequent drinking problem developed in Les Miles. Actually, in Baton Rouge, you’re fired if you don’t have drinking problem.
10. Georgia Tech 7-1- Yes, they are better than Boise. Attempts to argue otherwise are ridiculous. Like Subway over Quizno’s ridiculous. Makes no sense. Of the many things that we can point to for complaint in the polls, the laziness of ranking an undefeated Boise team whose only big victory came in a fluke against Oregon eight weeks ago over a team like Ga. Tech might piss me off the most.
11. Boise State 7-0- To that point, while I maintain great respect for Chris Peterson and what the staff has accomplished in this dreary town at the heart of Idaho, it has become painfully obvious that this team has no business in a BCS bowl. They will go undefeated, will advance to a BCS bowl, will be the media’s Little Engine that could once again, and we’ll all cheer for them before they have their hides handed to them by a major conference champion. This is not the 2006 World Beating Monstrosity. This is a good team in an AWFUL conference who is taking advantage of a schedule laden with future telemarketers and loopin collectors.
12. Penn State 7-1- It is starting to make less and less sense that this team lost to Iowa. The Lions have hit their stride and Old Joe has the Fighting Steel workers looking the marauding pack we’re used to seeing.
13. Oklahoma State 6-1- Dez Bryant is officially suspended for the rest of the season for hanging out with a former coke snorting Dallas Cowboy and other infractions to be named later. This means that the Pre-season Biletnikoff favorite will be wearing an oversized OSU shirt and windpants on the sideline rather than attempting to torture Texas DB’s Saturday. Granted, his absence hasn’t seemed to bother Zac Robinson to this point but the Pokes haven’t faced a defense as bloodthirsty as they are about to. Robinson better find some big play guys quickly or Sergio Kindle might be wearing his eyes as cufflinks this time next week.
14. Virginia Tech 5-2- Remember when we were all talking about them running the table with no offensive firepower what so ever? That was fun.
15. Pittsburgh 7-1- Gotta love seeing this for a guy like Dave Wannstedt. After getting shaken out of the NFL for coming down with a case of permasuck, he takes over his alma mater, takes four seasons to get them to a bowl game and now in his fifth is staring a Big East championship in the face. Unbelievable.
16. West Virginia 6-1- The experience on both sides of the ball is what is winning this team games. In reality, they aren’t this good and shouldn’t be 6-1 if you consider the talent level. However, they are coached well and coached up by Bill Stewart. Me thinks this is a short ride of success for the Mounties due to a dramatic drop in recruiting and the rise of programs like Cincy and Pitt. Thus, enjoy it while you can.
17. Ohio State 6-2- On Monday, Terrelle Pryor was scorned for poor play and brain malfunction. On Wednesday, he held a meeting with the offense to discuss play solutions and the house rules for Wii Tennis. On Saturday, he wiped his ass with the playbook and decided “Ima be me!” Shocking what happens when you take the chains off of a super athlete.
18. Miami 5-2- Jacory Harris is still and inexperienced Sophomore with only 9 starts under his belt. Earth wasn’t made in a day, people. Water to wine is Tim Tebow’s job, remember?
19. Houston 6-1- Still shocked that this continues. Could you please blow another double-digit favored game so we can stop the nonsense of having to talk about Case Keenum every week?
20. Central Michigan 7-1- Dan LeFevour is to CMU as Ben Roethlisberger is to Miami-Ohio. Just keep laying the points and watch your first born’s college tuition go from State to Stanford.
21. Utah 6-1- See Boise State but remove the Smurfish QB and you have the Utes.
22. South Carolina 6-2- In the moments that you are absolutely furious with your quarterback, Youtube Stephen Garcia. Now, all better?
23. Arizona 5-2- Mike Stoops ranked. Bob Stoops not. What a world.
24. Notre Dame 5-2- Watching the opposition effectively shoot themselves in the foot in the final minutes every week has reached “nostril pimple” annoyance level. Just surpassing “guys who wear sunglasses in supermarkets” and falling short of “people who are constantly nodding while you speak to them.”
25. Mississippi 5-2- Somehow, they are still here.
West Virginia at South Florida- Friday
Georgia vs. Florida
South Carolina at Tennessee
Texas at Oklahoma State
USC at Oregon
Admittedly, the majority of the following post was planned during the consumption of Sunday afternoon Maker’s Manhattans. I have fully validated the need for celebratory alcoholic beverages post-infant furniture building. You should have seen the stupor that was the result of finishing both a chest of drawers and changing table in the same afternoon. I may or may not have offended the elderly Russian couple down the hall. Rather than offensive Communism commentary and obscenities geared toward Vladimir Putin, you get the following:
1. Alabama 8-0- I actually amaze myself with this choice and trust me, I can perform the arguments on my own but feel free to send the emails. The Defense continues to absolutely dominate even if the offense is the equivalent of watching the first 100 laps of a Nascar race. I’m convinced it can only be enjoyed if you have a lipper of Skoal packed and you’re pounding a Keystone. Saban is lucky that Lane Kiffen has the game management skills of a sloth…a dead one.
2. Texas 7-0- Amazing how the offense can look when field-stretching speed is allowed on the field and Colt McCoy isn’t suffering from Black Plague. The use of both Cody Johnson and Fozzy Whittaker in the backfield to implement an actual “running game” changes everything. The result? Pistol whipping of Missouri on the road with 35 points in the first half. Will Muschamp continues to instruct the defense on Mongolian warfare. We are frightening headed into Stillwater. Just about everything we could hope for.
3. Florida 7-0- Tim Tebow refuses to speak with media after throwing two pick-6’s in a tighter than expected win over Mississippi State. My guess is that he spent the post game conversing with the Lord about Zone coverage and ways he might be blessed with quicker reaction for blitz pick-up. God’s response? Sure, Tim, as soon as I’m done with the whole Pig Flu, Darfur genocide, and re-direction of a massive meteor headed for the sun I’ll be all over it. It has become a weekly occurrence that my “faith” in this team dwindles significantly.
4. USC 6-1- This is not a national championship team and I am tired of that consideration. Matt Barkley is extremely impressive as a freshman but this offense still has no business on the field with a Bama, TX, or Florida. What concerns me most (beyond the inevitable growth of Matt Barkley’s doucheness) is the lack of focus on D late in games. Neither Notre Dame nor Oregon State had any business making a game out of it headed into the fourth quarter yet there they both were. Is it coaching? Is it lack of discipline? Is it Petro Papadakis? The swagger is gone. That much I can tell. Teams are no longer intimidated by that stupid song they play every 3 minutes.
5. Iowa 8-0- This steroid laden version of the Vienna Boys Choir continues to find a way. I have thoroughly enjoyed waiting until the last three minutes of a Hawkeye game before even glancing at it seeing as the result seems to be following a trend: Kickoff, put viewers to sleep for 2 hours before…Voila! Last second victory over mediocre Big Ten opponent. They’re a 6 year-old’s dance recital with Cirque du Soleil as the closer.
6. Cincinnati 7-0- How can you not love this team? Playing with a second-string QB and a second-rate defense in a third-rate conference whose laurels were rested heavily on the likes of Rutgers headed into the season. Brian Kelly is getting everything he can out of these guys on a weekly basis and this has to be one of the most impressive coaching jobs you could possibly analyze over the past three seasons. Brian Kelly’s name suggests he should be running a pub on the outskirts of Worcester. Instead, he is in the midst of taking the Cincy to it’s second BCS bowl in as many seasons.
7. TCU 7-0- I would typically range into a rant here defying the BCS for a potential un-worthy out of the Mountain West or WAC having claim to a spot. However, with this team, I can’t. Granted, the Frogs will more than likely end up in a bowl against a major conference team who will naturally beat them with a rubber hose
8. Oregon 6-1- This is what it was supposed to look like before the coaching staff forgot how to be aggressive and a certain running back decided to go all “One Punch Mickey” on that future dealership owning lineman in Boise. On offense, the Ducks can be a Gatling gun if you get sucked into the mis-direction and run-focused play-action. It truly is a thing of beauty watching the well-oiled machine that is Chip Kelly’s spread offense. It’s 2007 West Virginia with a pit bull who can throw the ball at QB. “Defense” remains a mystery word that locals maintain means some form of soft cheese or used as a verb would mean to gesture someone to walk through a door first.
9. LSU 6-1- The story has been well documented all season. Tons of individual talent with a significant lack of on-field leadership. The VH1 Behind the Music would be heavily focused on Jefferson’s inability to be creative in the pocket and the subsequent drinking problem developed in Les Miles. Actually, in Baton Rouge, you’re fired if you don’t have drinking problem.
10. Georgia Tech 7-1- Yes, they are better than Boise. Attempts to argue otherwise are ridiculous. Like Subway over Quizno’s ridiculous. Makes no sense. Of the many things that we can point to for complaint in the polls, the laziness of ranking an undefeated Boise team whose only big victory came in a fluke against Oregon eight weeks ago over a team like Ga. Tech might piss me off the most.
11. Boise State 7-0- To that point, while I maintain great respect for Chris Peterson and what the staff has accomplished in this dreary town at the heart of Idaho, it has become painfully obvious that this team has no business in a BCS bowl. They will go undefeated, will advance to a BCS bowl, will be the media’s Little Engine that could once again, and we’ll all cheer for them before they have their hides handed to them by a major conference champion. This is not the 2006 World Beating Monstrosity. This is a good team in an AWFUL conference who is taking advantage of a schedule laden with future telemarketers and loopin collectors.
12. Penn State 7-1- It is starting to make less and less sense that this team lost to Iowa. The Lions have hit their stride and Old Joe has the Fighting Steel workers looking the marauding pack we’re used to seeing.
13. Oklahoma State 6-1- Dez Bryant is officially suspended for the rest of the season for hanging out with a former coke snorting Dallas Cowboy and other infractions to be named later. This means that the Pre-season Biletnikoff favorite will be wearing an oversized OSU shirt and windpants on the sideline rather than attempting to torture Texas DB’s Saturday. Granted, his absence hasn’t seemed to bother Zac Robinson to this point but the Pokes haven’t faced a defense as bloodthirsty as they are about to. Robinson better find some big play guys quickly or Sergio Kindle might be wearing his eyes as cufflinks this time next week.
14. Virginia Tech 5-2- Remember when we were all talking about them running the table with no offensive firepower what so ever? That was fun.
15. Pittsburgh 7-1- Gotta love seeing this for a guy like Dave Wannstedt. After getting shaken out of the NFL for coming down with a case of permasuck, he takes over his alma mater, takes four seasons to get them to a bowl game and now in his fifth is staring a Big East championship in the face. Unbelievable.
16. West Virginia 6-1- The experience on both sides of the ball is what is winning this team games. In reality, they aren’t this good and shouldn’t be 6-1 if you consider the talent level. However, they are coached well and coached up by Bill Stewart. Me thinks this is a short ride of success for the Mounties due to a dramatic drop in recruiting and the rise of programs like Cincy and Pitt. Thus, enjoy it while you can.
17. Ohio State 6-2- On Monday, Terrelle Pryor was scorned for poor play and brain malfunction. On Wednesday, he held a meeting with the offense to discuss play solutions and the house rules for Wii Tennis. On Saturday, he wiped his ass with the playbook and decided “Ima be me!” Shocking what happens when you take the chains off of a super athlete.
18. Miami 5-2- Jacory Harris is still and inexperienced Sophomore with only 9 starts under his belt. Earth wasn’t made in a day, people. Water to wine is Tim Tebow’s job, remember?
19. Houston 6-1- Still shocked that this continues. Could you please blow another double-digit favored game so we can stop the nonsense of having to talk about Case Keenum every week?
20. Central Michigan 7-1- Dan LeFevour is to CMU as Ben Roethlisberger is to Miami-Ohio. Just keep laying the points and watch your first born’s college tuition go from State to Stanford.
21. Utah 6-1- See Boise State but remove the Smurfish QB and you have the Utes.
22. South Carolina 6-2- In the moments that you are absolutely furious with your quarterback, Youtube Stephen Garcia. Now, all better?
23. Arizona 5-2- Mike Stoops ranked. Bob Stoops not. What a world.
24. Notre Dame 5-2- Watching the opposition effectively shoot themselves in the foot in the final minutes every week has reached “nostril pimple” annoyance level. Just surpassing “guys who wear sunglasses in supermarkets” and falling short of “people who are constantly nodding while you speak to them.”
25. Mississippi 5-2- Somehow, they are still here.
West Virginia at South Florida- Friday
Georgia vs. Florida
South Carolina at Tennessee
Texas at Oklahoma State
USC at Oregon
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10 comments:
I gotta say Texas is overrated. The only ranked team they played was the 3-2 Sooners who they barely beat.
But I guess their ploy of penciling in community college level football teams to play has paid off. Louisiana-Monroe?!?!
And your team is?
But let's clear this up quickly, Texas was forced to schedule La-Monroe on a whim after Arkansas backed out of our initial deal to start the season against each other.
Yes, the schedule is weak. There is no denying that outside of Oklahoma thus far but overrated? I don't think so. Second highest scoring offense in the country coupled with second best defense.
Its pretty easy to run up the score againsts teams like Wyoming. The best scoring games Texas had came from non-confrence nobodies. Maybe next year Texas can schedule some high school teams or a team from the lingere football league to play against.
Texas does not deserve a #2 ranking when they have not played anybody yet.
I will honor all opinions and again, I agree that the schedule is weak. No denying it. But don't use the running up the score anecdote. Of all teams, Texas is the least likely to try and put up "style points". Just not how Mack Brown rolls.
That being said, you can also make the argument that Florida doesn't deserve their ranking either. Outside of the LSU victory, who has Florida played? Also- can anyone remember when they actually looked impressive?
I have to say that the most impressive teams from objective viewpoint right this minute are Texas and Oregon. Everyone else has sputtered through the past three weeks when these two teams seem to have found a new gear and are clicking on all cylinders.
She's right man. You should have learned by now that she is never wrong, especially while with child.
On a more sober note, we have the worst football team in the world. GAY&M!! Seriously???
Bruno!!
Notice how I didn't even mention the Tech loss and trust me, there were many reasons to do so. But no, I avoided it just for you. The reading of it would have thrown you into an uncontrollable rage and we don't need you throwing freshman through plate glass.
I had to sing that stupid F@#c$ing song on Saturday night. You know, the one that they sing allot, it makes fun of your university.
I threw up in my mouth, washed it out with hand sanitizer, and still felt an awkward sensation until yesterday.
We do not lose to Aggie. I feel like crying while writing this. Sorry about the $200 that you lost!
Taylor Potts looks like an epileptic going down on a fat farm hand while trying to run the simplest offense in college football. I'm done, just had to get that off my chest.
Okay Texas is making a statement.
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