GP.2008.14

The Renegade College Football Newsletter

Dear Michael Crabtree,

Thank you for the incredible mess that you have created in the BCS. Had you not summoned the power of Gray Skull on that crisp night in early November and split two would-be tacklers for a last second touchdown, this never would have happened. We would be #1 or #2 and well on our way the Big XII Championship to once again be the steam powered locomotive to Chase Daniel’s damsel tied to the tracks. Yes, we still blame Blake Gideon a little but we are giving him a break after his hit against Kansas that resulted in both a tackle and him doing finger paintings on the sideline for the rest of the game.

Now, we are faced with a situation that makes as much sense as Dostoyevsky after five shots of Rumplemintz (only that is actually decipherable once you follow with a pot of coffee). Want the quick answer to fix this mess? Just reflect back to October 11th. Oh, wait, what’s that? Yes, that’s right; Texas beat Oklahoma ON A NEUTRAL FIELD! Ah, and Oklahoma was #1 at the time I will have you all remember. Easy, simple answer. We played and we won.

No, no, no, there is no additional argument needed. We both have one loss. The only difference is Oklahoma’s is to us. Look, I am not discounting the Oklahoma win over Tech. It was dominant, it was brutal, it was the Spanish Inquisition. The Sooners did what every team with a strong running game should do to Tech: Namely, line up and ram it down their throat for two quarters until the defensive line starts to suck their thumbs and huddle in corners. (Cue Longhorn fan thought bubble: “What is a running game?”) The difference- Oklahoma beat Tech at home. We lost to Tech on the road. Oh, and there’s the other thing: WE BEAT OKLAHOMA ON A NEUTRAL FIELD!

It is beyond painful to recognize that our only hope in this matter is an Oklahoma win in which they barely hang on against the Pokes or a full-on Oklahoma loss that sends Tech to the Big XII Championship game. That would bring on a whole new mess of problems that equate to a compilation between Cher and Little John. “Yeaayahh!”

This season is the culmination of all that is completely wrong and unjust about the BCS system. It seems like no matter what happens, a number of us are getting hosed. Texas Tech is getting screwed, USC is getting screwed (not that we care), the Paula Cole album that is the Big Ten is getting screwed, and of course, there is Boise, Utah, and Ball State. The Big East and ACC are the only conferences benefiting from this ridiculous scenario and it isn’t coincidence that they are also the two most undeserving conferences. Oh, don’t give me that look, Cincy fans. We all saw what Oklahoma did to you and we will expect the same from whichever major conference school you may draw in the Bowl game. Yes, this all sucks worse than going to Summer Camp with braces and glasses but we have to quit the bitching. We aren’t getting a playoff anytime in the near future. (Thanks ESPN). The opportunity for a TX/OU rematch or a USC game versus a non-conference opponent that is actually worth a damn is a non-existent pipe dream bedded down by the Monty Burns that is comprised of University Presidents, Athletic Directors, and BCS Selection members. So, what do we do when faced with such an improbable cause? Deflect to watching football only on Sundays where rivalries seem to be non-existent and everyone has the exact same offense? No. Simply continue to obsess over your team and your conference with the hope that your guys will come out each week and take care of business. (Ready for my obvious segue?)

That is what we plan on doing in Austin. (like that?) The two years of pent-up frustration that has been created by completely absurd losses to the Collie Worshippers in College Station paired with the existing ferocity living within our team due to their blatant attacks on Colt McCoy can only lead to one outcome: Obliteration. Think Florida-Citadel. Look, we all know that Mack isn’t one to try and hang 70 on somebody but he may not have a choice this week. A&M is that bad and we are wicked pissed. Colt McCoy may throw for six touchdowns in the first half and I half expect Sergio Kindle to tackle Mike Goodson by the jugular. There should be a Parental Advisory warning before this game citing unseemly violence and obnoxious nudity. The nudity has nothing to do with the game itself but I am acknowledging the fact that Jake views every Senior Day like it is the perfect opportunity to run pantsless through the Aggie Band at halftime. Jake, punch a yell leader while you’re at it!

This is our opportunity to make our own statement and though the Aggies are hardly anything resembling a worthy opponent, 60+ points looks good against anybody. Especially if you bleed burnt orange and the opponent is wearing maroon. A revenge-minded Colt and blood thirsty defense cannot let Mack’s genuine respect for the opposition get in their way. Make it ugly. Make it obvious. Hook ‘em!

Quick Note to Notre Dame: Keep Charlie Weis!! I can’t tell you how much we have enjoyed this abysmal stretch. The level of schadenfreude surrounding this team is at an all time high! Seriously, Syracuse? Syracuse!?! Oh, that was just blissful.



We have a Winner! We at GP came to the conclusion after watching the first half of the Apple Cup (AKA Pop Warner Championship) that we had to award the loser with the least coveted trophy in all of sports. The fact that my in-laws are Oregon alums really doesn’t help your cause, Huskies. They will be signing this prized gift with me and presenting it to Ty Willingham. You know, before he clears out his office. Congratulations, you suck:

Washington Huskies



1. Florida 10-1- It’s time we started being adults and recognized that right now, Florida could win the AFC West, much less, the National Championship. We talk about it every week but the Gators have as much speed as the Jamaican track team and play ever down like there is a nuke headed for Gainesville. Be prepared for Bobby Bowden’s famous “clueless” face as he walks off the field at halftime.
2. Alabama 11-0- No, we haven’t forgotten. You’re just not Florida. You are Nicole Richie to Florida’s Paris. Good God, I have to stop watching E!.
3. Texas 10-1- Oh, hello. We’re the team that beat Oklahoma. And you are?
4. Oklahoma 10-1- Yes, it is insane what this offense is capable of. It is also insane that OU fans seem to believe that they have a valid argument suggesting their being ranked ahead of us in the polls. I am going to beat this into the ground with a Honda Civic so get used to it.
5. USC 9-1- While I agree that they are getting as roshamboed as just about anybody, why am I the only one who has issues with Pete Carroll’s complaints about this team’s ranking? The Ohio State victory was impressive but is there another game that they could possibly point to that would validate his arguments? No? yeah, I didn’t really think so.
6. Utah 12-0- With any luck, you will once again be paired with the Big East champion a la 2004 and after winning convincingly, will have the ridiculous argument that you should have been an option for the National Championship game. Ha. Like we take you guys seriously.
7. Penn State 11-1- Word is that JoePa had a rocket installed in his leg during the hip replacement. This way, he can simply hover above the sideline at the Rose Bowl as opposed to sitting in the Press Box and needing a Snapple. Joe loves Snapple.
8. Texas Tech 10-1- Did Mike Leach forget that Bob Stoops was present when he created this offense? Did he really expect to just go out there with the same old show and actually pull this out?
9. Ohio State 10-2- Terrelle Pryor is getting better every week and an injury-riddled Beanie Wells is at full speed for the first time all season. This would have been a scary combination about two months ago. Going for a fashionably late arrival to the season, the Bucks simply got here too long after the cops had already shown up and issued Public Intoxication tickets.
10. Boise State 10-0- Thanks Coach Peterson for making this team watchable for yet another season. Enjoy your ridiculous paycheck at the major institution that you will be coaching for next season.
11. Oklahoma State 9-2- Don’t necessarily write this off as an OU victory and catapult into the Big XII Championship game. Pickens Stadium is a hornet’s nest of a stadium especially in the Bedlam series. Trust me, Mike Gundy would love nothing more than to ruin Bobby’s season with a victory. He’s a man.
12. Georgia 9-2- Stafford and Moreno would have been a Heisman-type tandem in just about any other conference outside of this one or the Big XII.
13. Missouri 9-2- How does it feel to be looked at as the team that is going to lose the Big XII Championship game? No matter who plays you. Result: Doomed.
14. TCU 10-2- It should be pointed out that only Texas and the Frogs have held OU to 35 points all season. This defense is top notch and if they could find an offense to compliment, you would be looking at your BCS buster.
15. Ball State 11-0- They are finishing the season undefeated and we are all giving the slow clap like we just watched our kid finish fourth in the potato sack race at Field Day. Hilarious. At least he gets a ribbon.
16. Cincinnati 9-2- Should a team that wins their conference but doesn’t finish in the top 10 be allowed to compete in the BCS System? Boise State must be loving this.
17. Oregon State 8-3- Look, we already witnessed the shellacking by Penn State. We want to live through that again like we want to live through another season of Dancing With the Stars. Let’s do everybody a favor and blow the Oregon game. You will love San Diego.
18. Florida State 8-3- We’d love to see an upset over the Gators but my money is on Bobby being as understandable as a Cajun cab driver trying to negotiate pricing come halftime.
19. BYU 10-2- The Holy War (Sober Bowl) was a dose of reality. This Mountain West is the benefactor of three teams with worthless schedules who are able to pad victories and pretend they belong.
20. Boston College 8-3- There are still 9 other teams in the ACC with a chance to win the conference. I simply closed my eyes and pointed. BC is just what I landed on.
21. Oregon 8-3- Hitting the stride at the perfect time. I think that I might be the only person outside of Eugene that believes that this team will be the perfect end to OSU’s season. I just hope Bellotti gives a public “You’re welcome” speech after the win.
22. Georgia Tech 8-3- Again, I really don’t know what to do with this conference.
23. Michigan State 9-3- After removing Paterno’s cane from the anal cavity, the Spartans begin to prepare for bowl season.
24. Northwestern 9-3- Pat Fitzgerald should win Coach of the year in the Big Ten. Folks, this is Northwestern, the Big Ten equivalent to Duke.
25. Ole Miss 7-4- Wow. Just wow.

As requested, here are the Top 3 GP Heisman picks headed into the last couple of weeks (in order):

Colt McCoy
Sam Bradford
Graham Harrell

Texas A&M at Texas
Vanderbilt at Wake Forest
Virginia at Virginia Tech
Oklahoma at Oklahoma State
Georgia at Georgia Tech
Florida at Florida State
Oregon at Oregon State
South Carolina at Clemson



The Grayson Publication is copyrighted and may not be distributed for profit unless otherwise authorized by ownership.

GP.2008.13

The Renegade College Football Newsletter

The text from a friend came in like any other. An innocent double vibration that all of us have come to know quite well. Assuming that the message was also of the “not urgent” variety, it took me a few minutes to get to it. And then, another vibration from a different buddy, came buzzing in. Upon reading it, beads of sweat began to matriculate on my forehead: “Did you hear about Muschamp?”

I thought the worst as I immediately went to http://www.espn.com/. I thought that I would see the giant power “T” or an orange paw resting next to a picture of Will “Sooner Boomer” Muschamp. I thought for sure that his blood stained cheek would be sitting next to a big purple Washington “W”. Worst case that had been caught dancing naked in the streets of West campus with Jake while holding a giant bottle of peppermint schnapps and screaming “BOOM! MOTHA FU#*A” at police as they snapped him some cuffs. Anxiety running at boiling point and trying desperately not to spew my lunch all over my work computer, I pulled up the College Football page. “Wait, what!?!”

“NO F*#KING WAY!!!!!” he yelled out in his professional office surrounded by co-workers. That is all I remember from the moment. “Will Muschamp to succeed Mack Brown, staying at Texas.” Vomit avoidance quickly turned into urine avoidance as 12 people stared at me with that blank look suggesting their disapproval with my choice of language. That and wondering why my arms are straight in the air and why I am suddenly chewing the end of my tie with that look in my eyes that expresses the loss of one’s virginity or the first bite of some amazing pancakes. Is this for real? Did Deloss “God of all that is Athletic Directorship” Dodds really pull this off? Who needs Christmas presents now?

There are plenty of nay-sayers analyzing the overall situation. They mainly wear maroon or crimson red but the reality is that this might be the biggest move that the Texas football program has ever made. How do you plan to succeed the greatest coach in your program’s history? Well, hell, let’s hire possibly the next best young Head Coach out there in Coach Boom. Sound familiar, Darrel Royal-era Longhorns? What this hire does is remove the possibility of a long difficult search for a DC, an eventual long difficult search for the next head coach at Texas, and the possibility that the program will ever be run any differently. Basically, we are doing everything possible to avoid the Aggie scenario. Will will have the opportunity to absorb the Mack Brown policy like rice does hot water and will eventually utilize his personal excitement to continue to bring top-level talent to the family that this group has created. Sure, there is bias in this statement but folks, you are witnessing the orchestration of what has become the greatest sports program in all of college sports. Deloss, you are the Messiah of Athletic Administration. We salute you in your incredible efforts and yes, I did eventually pee a little. The embarrassment and a new not-so-PC nickname were worth it. Hook ‘EM! Beat A&M!

Florida is the fastest team on the planet and has the ability to turn a game from an actual competition into what is seemingly a battle between 160lb. me and Ray Lewis. I think that we can all agree that if the National Championship were played tomorrow, we would be looking forward to a God thanking acceptance speech by Tim Tebow. He would then blow a kiss to the sky, point at mom, head back to the locker room, and begin making his preparations to sign a giant NFL contract for his position of clipboard holder/play send-in guy. This is not a prediction, dedicated readers, this is simply an honest look into our not so distant future.

Random thoughts:

How badly are you rooting for Syracuse (girls lacrosse team pretending to play football) to beat Notre Dame this weekend? No, really, try to quantify it. It’s like trying to describe how much you love the smell of bacon being cooked or how much you hate that guy who wears sunglasses in the supermarket.

Baylor beat Texas A&M. By 20 points! Remember that dream when you showed up to high school wearing nothing but your Dawson’s Creek boxers. This is worse.

The Big East champion belongs in a BCS bowl like Sarah Palin belongs at a Private Country Club. “No, we don’t have Keystone” said the puzzled bartender. “No, the golf ball collector cannot be used as target practice.” I could go all day.

Turner Gill will be the next head coach at Syracuse…and will fail. In other Syracuse news, Donovan McNabb will hold an off-season QB camp dedicated to Rule Compliance, specifically focusing on what the term, “Sudden Death” means.



One of these teams will disappear after this weekend as the Apple Cup (Who sucks more A$$ Bowl) takes place in the great state of Washington:

Washington Huskies
Washington State Cougars
North Texas Mean Green




1. Texas Tech 10-0- Mike Leach is spending the week off roaming around campus wearing an eye patch and mumbling about the Swashbuckling abilities of Michael Crabtree. This guy built the best team in the country? Now, I know how the NBA feels about Doc Rivers.
2. Florida 9-1- Like when David approached Goliath, every team who stares down the Gators from the other side of the field has the same thought process: “Well, shit. This can’t end good.”
3. Alabama 11-0- The talent is there for a championship two years from now but the unfortunate reality is that you need a QB to win the title. Thus, this season is a no go.
4. Texas 10-1- Let’s just keep telling ourselves that we are not, not one bit, cheering for Oklahoma. We are rooting for a Tech loss. So when Bradford goes to Iglesias for a 40 yard touchdown and we are jumping up and down in our living rooms to the tune of “Boomer Sooner”, we are expressing excitement for the lack of defense shown by Tech, not for the OU touchdown. Ready, break.
5. Oklahoma 9-1- Hey, know what would be great? How about…
6. USC 9-1- See, here I thought ESPN just signed an agreement with the SEC, not Pete Carroll. Yet they still take every opportunity to grossly exaggerate meaningless Pac 10 victories. What is this spell that Magic Pete has over Kirk Herbstreit and Jesse Palmer?
7. Utah 11-0- Does anyone else feel like Utah’s involvement in the BCS is the equivalent to a Mormon at an AA meeting?
8. Penn State 10-1- Note to the Nittany Lion players: Play this game like you are playing it for your parents, or your grandparents or your future sons, something. Just don’t lose to Michigan State for God’s sake. We would love to not have to endure SC v. OSU 2. Rocky V was bad enough.
9. Boise State 10-0- Is Ian Johnson in his ninth year of eligibility?
10. Ohio State 9-2- After hanging 40 on Michigan, the Bucks get to prepare for the Outback Bowl. Yay!
11. Oklahoma State 9-2- Hey, know what would be awesome?
12. Georgia 9-2- The book was out on the Bulldogs 3 games into the season but they didn’t have to full-on cash it in. Barely beating Kentucky doesn’t help the Bowl selection committee much. Just sayin’.
13. Missouri 9-2- Hey, you guys are still here?
14. BYU 10-1- Cougars vs. Utes rivalry? How about “Sober Bowl?” Thoughts?
15. Michigan State 9-2- Hey, great idea: When you have a great running back and Offensive line, play-action can be extremely effective. Jesus, it’s not like we’re asking you to switch to the A-11 or anything. (Speaking of which, if you haven’t already, Youtube the A-11 Offense. Several teams in California run it and it is the craziest thing you have ever seen: 3-4 Offensive Lineman and the rest? Receivers.)
16. TCU 9-2- The Frogs will most likely finish 10-2 with their only losses coming to top 10 teams and they will end up in a useless bowl against a #4 or #5 team from a major conference whom they will destroy. Now, tell me, what is wrong with the BCS?
17. Ball State 10-0- The quality of wins suggests this placement. They are a MAC TEAM!
18. Cincinnati 8-2- The joke is that this team or Pitt is going to play in a BCS game as the Big East Champion and one of the top 3 Big XII teams will have to settle for the Cotton Bowl. Yep, the system is flawless.
19. LSU 7-3- Losing a few games simply allows LSU students to justify missing the entire second half of a game due to over exposure to Moonshine. Those of us who reside outside of the state of Louisiana would call it alcohol poisoning.
20. Oregon State 7-3- Rose Bowl? Really? You mean, like, the parade? No, the Bowl game? But, you’re not USC.
21. Pitt 7-2- Big East Championships in football these days are like Mountain West championships in basketball. No one really cares and most of us can’t even name all of the teams in the conference.
22. Miami 7-3- Randy Shannon has done an amazing job with this team. No one in his right mind thought this team has a snow ball’s chance in Phoenix to compete for another two years or so but the recruiting efforts and discipline of this coach have resonated amongst this team like a Barack Obama speech in any state west of Kansas. And he is doing it without the usual Miami team functions such as robbery, coke dealing and Tranny pimping. Amazing.
23. Maryland 7-3- Oh, look, yet another ACC team to bust into the Top 25 only to lose a game they shouldn’t and bow out accordingly. It’s starting to get a little repetitive, fellas.
24. Oregon 8-3- Take away the injuries and this team only has one loss to the eventual conference champ, USC. Yes, that’s right. If you think the Ducks are going to let the Civil War game be Oregon State’s ticket into the Rose Bowl, you know nothing of Oregon football. Sidenote, guys we’re done with the tire tread on the shoulder pads. I know the Marketing team had an hilarious time putting that altogether in photoshop and then panicked when they realized that they forgot to remove the tread but the joke has gone far enough.
25. North Carolina 7-3- Butch Davis refuting the Tennessee job tells you several things. A) He realizes that it is much harder to compete in the SEC than it is the ACC. B) As long as he gets into bowl games at UNC, he will never be sent to the AD’s office to explain a 4 loss season. C) He apparently doesn’t like money, or coon skin caps, or shotguns, or Day-Glo orange, or America.

As requested, here are the Top 4 GP Heisman picks headed into the last couple of weeks (in order):

Graham Harrell
Colt McCoy
Sam Bradford
Michael Crabtree

Miami at Georgia Tech
Michigan State at Penn State
BYU at Utah
Pitt at Cincinnati
Oregon State at Arizona
Florida State at Maryland
Texas Tech at Oklahoma



The Grayson Publication is copyrighted and may not be distributed for profit unless otherwise authorized by ownership.

GP.2008.12

The Renegade College Football Newsletter

Look, I like Joe Paterno just as much as anybody and I would love to see him hobble up to the podium next that Crystal trophy, salivating, and longing for creamed corn…but just like the rest of you that aren’t Big Ten pumpers, I was thanking the almighty for the Penn State loss at Iowa. Why? Because Big Ten football is like Girls’ soccer this season. Because I would rather watch two middle of the road ACC teams go head to head than catch a run-at-all-cost offense try to penetrate a slow defense that loads the line on every play. Because watching rednecks drive billboards around in circles is more appealing than 90% of last week’s conference match-ups. The Big Ten lacks speed in masses and any inkling of ingenuity. Spread HD? The only thing I am seeing in high definition on the field at State College is Urban Meyer’s offense from 7 years ago and the crater-like pores on the players’ faces. If Penn State was the juggernaut we were all begging them to be this year, the Iowa loss would be devastating. Instead, it is justice for a conference that seems to be about five years behind the rest of the country. Terrelle Pryor will welcome you all to the future. Enjoy it. We in the Big XII and the SEC have been living in it for half of a decade.

The inevitable matchup of the best from the Big XII vs. the best from the SEC is shaping up to be, potentially, one of the greatest championship battles of our time. Think Texas over SC in 2005 only with entire conferences hanging on the brink awaiting their opportunity to claim bragging rights. All things considered, the five teams vying for the opportunity to go spleen hunting against the opposition stand about even at this point. Well, maybe not Bama. Texas, Tech, and Oklahoma would all present amazing problems for the potential SEC opponents in the same ways. We’re all 18 year-old star quarterbacks. We look good on camera, girls like us, we score quick (wink), we make huge mistakes (Blake Gideon), we wink, we get away with anything and everything (douchey high-five), we don’t snuggle and we don’t call afterwards. We’re dangerous.

Florida and Alabama, on the other hand, are two very different teams. Florida approaches our role model status but they are the Chance Mock to our Chris Simms. They are the cock strong, not so pretty version of us that can blow a mediocre team out one week and struggle against another one the next. The Tide are a mystery. They are the handicapped kid from high school with the G.I. Joe backpack who randomly barks at people as they stare in the hallway. Innocently asking if anyone has seen his baseball in one minute and the next, this scrappy beast will unleash unparalleled strength on any who oppose it; removing limbs from flesh and tossing them in the air to celebrate victory while dancing around to Bell Biv Devoe’s “Poison” playing in his head. Yes, I took my medication today.

The reality is, and we all seem to agree here, that Alabama can’t (and won’t) beat Florida. Not at home, not at a neutral sight, not in middle earth, and not in Gainesville. The Gators are destined for another appearance in the national championship game. Let’s see if we can do what the Buckeyes failed to do two seasons ago: Compete.



For football junkies like myself, it is actually pretty exciting to know that we will get our own version of the Toilet Bowl this season when Washington and Wazzu take the field for the Apple Cup. It has gotten so bad in Pullman, recruits are actually opting to go to Idaho.

Washington Huskies
Washington State Cougars
North Texas Mean Green



1. Texas Tech 10-0- A buddy of mine; let’s call him MB; shared with me this summer that his Red Raiders were to be the Big XII toast. I laughed in his drunk little face and reminded him of the history of mediocrity that we had all become accustomed to out of Lubbock. We discussed the shortcomings of Hodges, the concussions of Kliff Kingsbury, and “the Chance Mock game.” (Wow, two Mock references in one issue. When will that ever happen again?) Hat is off, buddy. I had no idea they would be the Big XII’s version of Megatron. After pulling our pants down in the last second to reveal an assless jock strap, old Red Raider did what to Okie Lite what just about every bartender in Hollywood has done to Lindsay Lohan. Mike “I’s hammered drunk” Leach has positioned this team for the unthinkable: A Big XII championship. Yes, Tech fans; in athletics. Not Beer Pong, not washers, not most sand collected or beer consumed before 10 am. In athletics! That is, of course, if old Leachy can figure out how to beat the old Boss in Norman. My God, I can’t believe I am about to say this, Go Sooners…and I just threw up.
2. Alabama 10-0- Just don’t go and pull a Penn State on us. We really do want to care about the SEC Championship game.
3. Florida 8-1- In evaluating the past four years, I am left wondering how many championships that Urban Meyer’s contract with Satan stipulates. It’s either that or God seriously loves Trucker hats, wife beater t-shirts, and Emmitt Smith.
4. Texas 9-1- I guess we can all be glad that Colt chose Baylor as the game where he would allow himself to play like a pissed off teenager. I am not talking about the two picks. I really don’t blame either on him. I am talking about the 104 mph balls he was throwing to Quan and Ship from five yards away when there wasn’t a defender within 8 yards. I am also talking about the four “draws” that he chose where he put his head and shoulders down to take hits rather than slide or head out of bounds. It was clear (and AWESOME) to see that Colt took the Tech loss personally and he was, well, PISSED! When Opie gets pissed, everybody gets pissed, and opposing receivers get their heads cracked. This has to continue over the next several weeks with poll-driving victories needed over Kansas and Aggie. Let’s just say SCREW IT and hang 60 on Mangino and Sherm. Hell, I don’t even like those guys.
5. Oklahoma 9-1- Don’t make me say it again.
6. USC 8-1- You thought you had a chance to get into the Championship game again? Even with a loss against a mediocre team in one of the worst conferences in all of college football? That’s cute.
7. Utah 10-0- Dammit TCU! Now we have to listen to the whimpering and whining of yet another non-BCS team rambling on about how they deserve respect and deserve to be in contention for the title. Lord! This team couldn’t hold Tebow’s spit cup or Colt’s bible. Put them in the Fiesta Bowl against Pitt so they can win over a “real” team and feel better about themselves.
8. Penn State 9-1- How awesome will it be to see Joe take the Lions into the Rose Bowl to face USC in what should be his last game. At the conclusion of that game, regardless of the score, when Joe is hoisted up on the Penn State players’ shoulders because he is both awesome and old, there won’t be a dry eye in College Football Nation. Go Joe!
9. Boise State 9-0- When Chris Peterson leaves for Washington, is Boise State finally done?
10. Georgia 8-2- Guys, don’t worry. The Cotton Bowl has like 92,000 seats now and the neighborhood is actually somewhat improved from it’s previous South-Central LA feel. No need to even bring the shotguns.
11. Ohio State 8-2- Did you notice how we stopped caring after the Penn State game?
12. Missouri 8-2- Chase Daniel has a faux-hawk, sometimes wears a skull cap, sports a pencil beard, and is a Mega Douche. He also hangs with Warren Buffett. Conclusion- Warren Buffett is a rich Mega Douche. Wait, isn’t this supposed to be about football?
13. Oklahoma State 8-2- That irregular form in your backside is what we refer to as a mudhole. They are generally stomped into your ass when you are completely outmatched.
14. Ball State 10-0- This is still happening? The MAC is still considered Division I?
15. Michigan State 9-2- It sucks to be the team that has truly overachieved in an overrated conference only to be rewarded with the Alamo Bowl at the end of the season. Have fun getting crushed by whichever poor bastard Big XII team ends up here with you!
16. North Carolina 7-2- Next week’s headline in the Chapel Hill paper: “Seven UNC Students’ brains spontaneously explode at the thought of having to care about football during basketball season.” Right next to this headline: “Excedrin new official sponsor of the month of November in the state of North Carolina.”
17. BYU 9-1- Max Hall is the new Steve Young. There, I said it.
18. TCU 9-2- I am so wicked pissed at you, Gary. Leaving the offense on the bus to warm the seats for your precious Defense was a horrible idea. Almost as bad as the time we let Jake finish a fifth of Gin before a cow tipping expedition. When you watch a friend try to tip a bovine for a lap dance, you feel like you have seen everything.
19. Florida State 7-2- Is it me or does Bobby Bowden look like he smells like bourbon and peppermints? I don’t how but this guy is winning with some of the most unproven talent he has ever had. It is incredible to watch this team blunder itself into victories.
20. Pitt 7-2- This team, sitting at 20, is going to win the Big East and thus play in a BCS game. For those who aren’t already ripping their hair out over this notion, I will repeat…
21. LSU 6-3- Remember when you had a quarterback? Those were good times.
22. South Carolina 7-3- Spurrier cracks the Top 25 just in time to be staring down the barrels of the Gatlin gun that is Florida.
23. Cincinnati 7-2- What exactly is a Bearkat, anyway? Is this some mythical creature dreamt up by a bored kid from Ohio who wanted to develop a manimal that could potentially protect the entire human race from all evils?
24. Tulsa 8-1- Todd Graham has maybe two more seasons here before the big schools start throwing Mercedes full of cash at his doorstep. Want a prediction? How about Mike Leach to Washington and Todd Graham to Tech?
25. Wake Forest 6-3- This spot is a toss up to about eight different under achievers and I just like Jim Grobe. I like his musk.

As requested, here are the Top 4 GP Heisman picks headed into the last couple of weeks (in order):

Graham Harrell
Colt McCoy
Sam Bradford
Michael Crabtree

Notre Dame vs. Navy
South Carolina at Florida
BYU at Air Force
Boston College at Florida State



The Grayson Publication is copyrighted and may not be distributed for profit unless otherwise authorized by ownership.

GP.2008.11

The Renegade College Football Newsletter

Apparently, Michael Crabtree is the Matrix. He has the ability to will Texas defensive backs to drop sure interceptions and then make himself close to invisible thus avoiding two apparent tackles and scampering into the end zone for the winning touchdown with but a second left on the clock. Yes, we are still sick in Austin.

Give Texas Tech and their idiot fans their due. (Nice preemptive field-rush, guys. Way to look like, I don’t know, Aggies) What started out as yet another “Tech jumps out in front only to blow it in the second half with Texas running away by the 5 minute mark” game turned into the reality that has been the sleeping giant in Lubbock for several years: When they have big time players on both sides of the line, they can actually compete with us and it sucks, people, sucks. It’s that moment when you realize your little brother is suddenly as strong as you are and on any given day, he could kick your ass.

Congrats to Tech. Games like that are what make college football what it is. It just really hurts when it happens to you and you have to live with it for a year. Now, I know what Florida State must feel like…all the time. Jesus, I sound like a Dashboard Confessional song.

Just beat Baylor for God’s sake so I can stop crying myself to sleep at night while wearing my national championship boxers and Vince Young jersey. The wife doesn’t find it that appealing.

Here is a raise of the glass to Phil Fulmer. Regardless of how many strips of bacon you can consume in one sitting, if you don’t win consistently at Tennessee, you can’t stay. We’ll miss you, Fat Phil. From GP, one last time, Rocky Top. Oh, and tell your AD that if he calls Will Muschamp, I will personally roll a hand grenade into Smokey’s room. I have Gary Patterson’s number ready on speed dial. Yours if you want it.

It is snowing in hell, Syracuse won a game, I am swatting pigs from the rafters, we lost to Tech, and Syracuse won a game!:

Washington Huskies
Washington State Cougars
North Texas Mean Green

1. Alabama 9-0- Sorry, this should read, “Reserved for Urban Meyer.” Our mistake.
2. Texas Tech 9-0- Michael Crabtree dreamed it. “Dreamed it in his head” and I heard that Miss Cleo told him that he is going to get the Wii for Christmas and they will win a BCS bowl. Hilarious.
3. Penn State 9-0- Let’s be adults, this team MIGHT be the 7th best team in the country and a National Championship appearance will result in another Big Ten team being dominated by speed and creativity on offense. I never want to wish ill will on the elderly (unless I’m driving behind them) but let’s hope that the Nitts slip before they get to 12-0. I don’t want another “regular” BCS game that is more exciting than the MNC.
4. Florida 7-1- This is the best team in college football right now. No question. The Gators will blow through Bama in December and there is not a team on this list that could rival the precision that is going on in Gainesville…or the drunken lunacy. Well, maybe us but we have Jake. Really not that fair.
5. Texas 8-1- (Long sigh) Well, (short sigh), we just couldn’t (pause), the missed opportunities and clock management problems (long pause). Colt tried so hard, you know and the defense played such a great second half, it’s just…freaking Tech. (Lone tear).
6. Oklahoma 8-1- Are Demarco Murray and Sam Bradford really only sophomores? Can you really marry your cousin in the state of Oklahoma. Wikipedia confirms both and I am not sure which I am more uncomfortable with.
7. Oklahoma State 8-1- Remember in 2001 when the victory over Oklahoma vaulted us into the conference championship game? A repeat of that would be friggin’ sweet. Like, really awesome.
8. USC 7-1- Winning this conference is like winning a beauty pageant at fat camp so don’t even get me started on the theories of the Trojans ending up in the National Championship game.
9. Utah 9-0- Busting hopes will be ruined by TCU Thursday night when the Frogs show this team what a Division I defense looks like.
10. Boise State 8-0- This is that time of year when the Broncos get nervous about their underpaid and underappreciated head coach bolting for a top program like, hell I don’t know, Washington, Syracuse, Tennessee, Kansas State, or any other school that actually pays.
11. TCU 9-1- Gary Patterson might actually be the best non-BCS conference head coach. I realize that I am becoming borderline annoying about this but the guy has had four double digit win seasons since 2002 (this will be his fifth), recruits strong talent and makes them stronger (75% of the roster benches 400+ pounds), and knows how to beat the big boys. Imagine what he could do in a big market where the school actually invests in it’s athletic facilities. Seriously, most big programs practice in nicer stadiums than Amon G. Carter.
12. Missouri 7-2- “A fauxhawk above others: Being an overrated system quarterback from Texas” The Chase Daniel story.
13. Ohio State 7-2- Hey, didn’t you use to be the #2 team in the country?
14. Georgia 7-2- Hey, didn’t you use to be the #1 team in the country? Who didn’t see the Florida rout coming after last season’s “everybody storm the endzone” gesture? I was actually expecting Urban Meyer to stand at the 50 yard line the entire game, just staring at Richt and giving him the finger whilst his team runs all over them.
15. LSU 6-2- This team is only a year away from being right back in the Top 5 and winning the SEC. That is what Les Miles does. He gets the right players. Well, he gets the right coeds to be present at recruiting visits so that he can get the right players. Think the Michigan administration is kicking itself after not throwing nearly enough dough at this guy?
16. Michigan State 8-2- This could very well be the team that ruins the whole show for Penn State. Granted they would have to find a quarterback who knows the difference between his team colors and the opponents’.
17. Ball State 8-0- By the time you read this, this team will have taken yet another MAC team behind the woodshed and beaten them with bamboo reads.
18. BYU 8-1- I am still thanking God for the loss to the Frogs. Can you imagine having to watch this undersized, no real speed team in a BCS game? It would have been a midget tossing contest.
19. North Carolina 6-2- We told you to enjoy the Butch Davis era while it lasted. Next season you will probably be enjoying him wearing Tennessee Orange and rallying up the best fans in the country.
20. Georgia Tech 7-2- I have to own up to it. I almost threw the Jackets in the “What were you thinking?” column concerning the hiring of Paul Johnson. I am just as shocked as you that there is a team out there that runs the triple option successfully and they are not a military academy.
21. California 6-2- The Fighting Golden Hippies have been an phenomenal surprise but Jeff Tedford may need a few extra hits of LSD to come up with an offensive game plan that can solve SC’s blitz attack. Look for the hook and ladder, the woopty doo, and the Butter Splash. Otherwise, this game turns into Chevy Silverado vs. Toyota Prius.
22. Florida State 6-2- Who doesn’t love that “WTF just happened” look that Bobby gets every time his team falls behind in the fourth quarter. It is just plain comedy.
23. West Virginia 6-2- The Mountaineers have four guys who run 4.4 40s and 60 guys who run 5.2s. This would explain why everyone looks like they are standing still when Pat White has the ball.
24. Maryland 6-2- Ralph Friedgen still has the hardest hitting team in the ACC. Thus, in the SEC, they would be Vanderbilt.
25. Northwestern 7-2- Really?

As requested, here are the Top 3 GP Heisman picks so far:

Graham Harrell
Colt McCoy
Sam Bradford

TCU at Utah
California at USC
Georgia Tech at North Carolina
Oklahoma State at Texas Tech
Alabama at LSU


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