GP.2008.5

The Renegade College Football Newsletter

We haven’t taken the opportunity to discuss them much so far so I thought we would kick off the issue with a short discussion regarding Notre Dame. In short, they are just Awful. I mean, really, what the hell is going on in South Bend? Weis somehow gained 25 more pounds and is approaching Mark Mangino’s weight class, an apparent top 5 recruiting class over the last two seasons is still missing on campus, and Touchdown Jesus’ raised arms no longer represent a touchdown but rather his reaction to the current state of things in South Bend. Can you blame the big guy upstairs for donning the Scarlet and Gold and kicking it in SoCal at this point? The Trojans win, their recruits actually prove their worth on the field, and there are beaches. You think Heaven is a bland Midwest town that is frozen from November to February?

I know that all the ND fans are rolling their eyes at this read and it is for the right reasons. I hate Notre Dame as much as Dick Vitale loves Duke. I am not, however, your usual hater. I respect the tradition, the history, the fan devotion, and how fired up anyone can get when watching “Rudy” or listening to that awesome fight song. I am just saying that I laugh every time I see the highlights of Brady Quinn crying on the sideline or Jimmy Clausen being hit so hard, he has snot bubbles. Who doesn’t?

There is a 5’9” 200lb running back in East Lansing, MI that is going to push for a top 5 seat in New York for the Heisman. Javon Ringer also might be the first RB taken in the NFL draft. If you haven’t had the chance to see this guy at Michigan State, force yourself through a rainy, gray, offense lacking Big Ten game and just try to argue. He gets the ball at least 30 times a game and will get you 200 every time. He will be leading the Spartans to their best bowl appearance in over a decade. Coming soon to a Fantasy Football roster near you!


Let’s get to the good stuff, shall we? Top 25.

1. USC 2-0- You wouldn’t have to be a genius to know that PC is just playing the ’06 loss to Oregon State on loop in the Trojan locker room. Between runs of the film, he might splice in a Reggie Bush highlight reel, Matt Leinart’s Heisman speech, or an Emeril Lugosi rerun. If you think this SC team is lose to an unlikely opponent through 2008, I know a good psychiatrist who treats episodes of delusional optimism. Trust me, I’m a Cubs fan.

2. Florida 3-0- Did we mention that they have speed? 10 guys with sub 4.3 40s. Five on either side of the ball. Are you kidding me? They look like a team of Usain Bolts racing your high school track team. The scariest part about the Gators is that they are actually being methodical with their offense rather than attempting to finesse a team to death. A testament to their ability to punch you in the mouth just as they could run by you, I suppose. Either that or there really is no creativity on offense. Knowing Meyer…yeah, I’m going with option A.

3. Oklahoma 3-0- Yes, he who shall not be named is quite aware that the last two times the Sooners have been visited by The Fighting Purple Frogs, they have been beaten. Apparently, they have the same effect on the Sooners as Rosie O’Donnell has on me. One sight and I go running for the corner of the room, curled into the fetal position, pawing at the air. Unfortunately, for TCU, this year’s result will not mimic years past.

4. Georgia 4-0- Knowshon Moreno might be the reincarnation of Reggie Bush (College Version) only with a little better fan base and a little less money in his pocket from a Marketing Executive looking to capitalize on his insane athletic ability. The Dawgs are walking through the schedule at this point headed into conference play. Saban vs. Richt. This is going to be Awesome

5. Texas 3-0- You all laughed when we mentioned Colt McCoy’s name in the Heisman mix. Admittedly, the comments were uttered in jest but now we are taking ownership of them. How could we know for sure that Opie would go all Jason Bourne on us? We are all just waiting for him to try and change his jersey to #10 and start dancing to 50 Cent in the locker room. Someone please tell him that the Irish jig is not an acceptable dance to hip hop. Neither is the two-step, Charleston, or 80’s white-boy groove.

6. Missouri 4-0- Finally a week off from hearing all about the amazing Daniel to Maclin connection and the genius of the Gary Pinkel offense. Raise your hand if you are tired of the Maclin over the middle for a touchdown highlight. Me too but we better get used to it because we are all going to see it after every game. Cue ESPN: “Oh my God, Gary Pinkel is such a genius.”

7. LSU 3-0- Les Miles continues his quest to prove that he is so damn good that he doesn’t need a proven Quarterback to be successful or a soul for that matter. Geaux Tigers.

8. Texas Tech 4-0- What do you want me to say? You want a cookie for going 4-0 in the easiest non-conference schedule ever imagined? I’ve seen High School teams with more difficult competition out of district play. I know. I know. We played Rice. Hey, they’re Division I.

9. Penn State 4-0- The offense is starting to look like they are just drawing plays in the dirt using a broken shard of glass and pennies representing each position. “Derrick, you run about 30 steps, turn in, catch the ball, and run to the blue paint.” They just fly around and score at will. JoePa has decided he doesn’t even have to be on the sideline anymore. He’s sitting up in the press box munching on Beaver Stadium nachos and drinking Pennsylvania microbrews.

10. South Florida 4-0- Our preseason adopted baby is flirting with disaster like a television show with a great script and a devoted fan base. (Keep Hanging on, Sunny Philadelphia) SoFlo pulled the reigns back for the International game after a huge win over Kansas. Hey Coach Leavitt, the poll voters don’t listen to the writers talking about how it never should have been so close and that your third string was in after third quarter. Just a word of advice.

11. Wisconsin 3-0- Yeah, you know the drill: They come, they run the ball between the tackles, they play defense, they go home and watch Brett Favre highlight videos until they fall asleep in their green #4 jerseys.

12. Alabama 4-0- I really didn’t see it coming either and I don’t know what to tell you. It’s like thinking for sure that there can’t be that many people who actually listen to the Jonas Brothers yet those annoying little voices continue to show up on my radio giving me a massive headache and nausea. Actually, it’s not like that at all ‘cause Bama really is great and the Jonas Brothers suck something awful. I think that was my point from the beginning.

13. BYU 4-0- Enjoy Coach Bronco Mendenhall for this final season as the NFL comes a calling for OC jobs and every major program looking to fire a coach starts pouring buckets of cash down in Provo. I wonder if he just sits at his desk wondering Seattle might be like this time of year.

14. Auburn 3-1- The West is lost as I think you Tiger fans will agree that there is no way that Les Miles is falling behind the rest of the season. The bright side is that the Iron bowl should be amazing. Oh, quit the crying and War Eagle up!

15. Ohio State 3-1- Terrell Pryor looked fantastic against a Sun Belt team whose defense is comprised of 11 guys Ohio State coaches had never even heard of. Will it mean as much after this week when the likes of Oklahoma State barrel roll Troy even worse than the Bucks?

16. Clemson 3-1- Since the opening night loss, the Tigers have turned into the big kid in class who hates his parents and takes it out on the egg head every day at recess. That poor kid goes home with black eyes and will eventually get stuffed in a football locker at some point in his high school career. Really isn’t pretty. They are PISSED!

17. Wake Forest 3-0- No one is going to start caring about the Deacons until October 9th when the Tigers show up in Winston-Salem looking for a Thursday night fight. With a victory, the hype will really kick in and Grobe will, once again, have to fend off the big programs and their money and their promises of recruiting budgets. Who heard of such things?

18. Utah 4-0- Wait, are we actually more than minimally intrigued about a top notch battle in the Mountain West? Damn you, Pac 10 and your mediocrity! The Utes will continue to roll through conference play until the Mountain West anagrams start showing up on the schedule. I know there is plenty of rumble about Coach Kyle Whittingham being available at season’s end but unless your team consists of 21 year old guys who have just returned from a mission trip mature and focused, I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

19. Nebraska 3-0- Oh, is that another Big XII team out to an undefeated start? I’ve gotten the email and the comments: How can you love people who wear overalls? Ask the quarterback if he can even spell Nebraska, etc. The Huskers are legit for the first time in five years making the North Division that much more competitive. Amazing how that works.

20. Kansas 3-1- For the four Kansas fans who are actually reading this and not just the basketball preview magazine, we thank you. You may go back to reading about dope smoking players preparing themselves for the NBA now.

21. Vanderbilt 4-0- No, this is not a joke and I have to agree with the AP on this one. Just like the first time you hear Timberlake’s solo album. You have no idea why but it’s good.

22. Virginia Tech 3-1- Dude, if your mascot was Thanksgiving dinner, you would try to overcompensate by having a military on campus and only playing defense too. The Hokes are the 5’2” frat boy who shows up at the party driving a Hummer on 22 inch rims only with respect and a checked reality.

23. Fresno State 2-1- Nobody schedules like Pat Hill schedules. The guy puts top level teams from big conferences on the sheet every year. I imagine his off-season consists of cow-tipping, nail tasting, and blind-folded Gator wrestling. Do you think he had any idea that his team would be heavily favored heading into Westwood?

24. TCU 4-0- This lasts for the one week before the Sooners go all Hiroshima on the Frogs. Sorry Coach Patterson. We were rooting for ya.

25. East Carolina 3-1- Knowing that undefeated is no longer an option, makes you not as sexy a pick. It’s like Jake always says, “Now that I know I can’t get arrested for it, I’m not so sure I really want to do it.”

As requested, here are the Top 5 GP Heisman picks for the week:

Chase Daniel- Missouri
Sam Bradford- Oklahoma
Javon Ringer- Michigan State
Tim Tebow- Florida
Knowshon Moreno- Georgia

Alabama at Georgia
Illinois at Penn State
TCU at Oklahoma
Virginia Tech at Nebraska
Florida State vs. Colorado
South Florida at North Carolina State



The Grayson Publication is copyrighted and may not be distributed for profit unless otherwise authorized by ownership.

GP.2008.4

The Renegade College Football Newsletter

Remember that Christmas as a child when you woke up rushing into the living room expecting the world: a basketball goal, the G.I. Joe space station, Cotton Bowl tickets, etc. only to find two Argyle sweaters, new school supplies, and maybe a few new CD’s. That was USC/Ohio State. That was our “game of the year.”

Feel a little cheated? Well, blame Jim Tressel. He already knows what it feels like to have the entire state of Ohio pissed at him. Now, he is feeling all of us as College Football nation sharing our collective disappointment. Come the third quarter, my friends and I would do a shot every time Ohio State would get a first down and in the end my friends all drove home safely. The Buckeye offense without Beanie Wells has gone from mildly intriguing to a Grey’s Anatomy rerun: Boring, sad, and no one is watching.

Greedy Petey used everything in his arsenal to leave no doubt who the best team in the country was…or at least the best team in the stadium. Those of us who saw through the B.S., were shocked that the spread on the game was so low, and subsequently emptied our online betting accounts on the Trojans simply shrugged our shoulders and changed the channel to Wisconsin/Fresno State where an actual great game was being played. “Game of the year”? Let’s hope not.

What on earth is going on in the Pac 10? WAZZU gets annihilated by the lowly Baylor Bears, Cal gets a gut check by the Fighting Friedgens (insert hit by Maryland DB on Cal’s Jahvid Best. Yes, that is green vomit. Youtube this if you haven’t already), both Arizona’s lose to Mountain West schools and BYU just scored for the 15th time against UCLA. You know that constant argument that the Pac 10 is just as competitive as the SEC? Solved. Minus the Trojans and an Oregon team who is one step away from pulling the tallest kid out of the stands to play quarterback, the Pac 10 is facing a dismal reality in what was supposed to be an up year for the conference. Top to bottom, the Pac 10 might be the fourth best conference in the country at this point behind the SEC, Big XII, and dare I say it…the Big Ten.

Before the emails start and yes, I can already hear them pouring in to the GP inbox, consider that Penn State would probably kill Oregon, Wisconsin would beat Cal, and Illinois would hang 40 on Arizona State. The cellars of both conferences are cloudy, yes, and the top was settled this weekend, I know. When comparing conferences, you have to focus heavily on the meat and potatoes, the middle of the pack, the guys who are picked third and fourth in kickball, and in doing so, the Big Ten wins the battle this season. It’s not a pretty fight by any means (Imagine two overweight Kansas grads in speedos in a sumo exhibition). Think we just lost our Arizona readers.
Are Greg Robinson and Tyrone Willingham still employed? Really? Talk about patience…Top 25!

1. USC 2-0- It really helps your case to be #1 when you have 18 future NFL players in your starting lineup. It also helps to have a week off both before your biggest game of the season AND a week after that game. Think we wouldn’t notice, Pete? Oh, Oregon State is such a tough opponent. You definitely need an extra week to prepare for the Beavers.

2. Florida 2-0- Last season, Tebow led what turned out to be the biggest win over Tennessee ever at 59-20. It was a good old fashioned white trash beat down full of Keystone Light, wife beater t-shirts with cheap cigarette burns, and trucker hats. Prediction: more of the same against the Vols only with coonskin caps and more rifle discussions.

3. Oklahoma 3-0- While we’re on the subject of the less educationally fortunate: At this point, the Sooners would be the obvious choice for the team that could truly challenge the Trojans. And it pisses me off. 55 points a game and a defense that attempts murder on every play. Yeah, I’m a little nervous.

4. Georgia 3-0- Mark Richt is finally being forced to play a non-conference game outside of Sanford Stadium is like a frat pledge being forced to sleep in the hallway while his big brother gets lucky in said frat pledge’s bed. Unfortunate and thankless but a necessary learning experience.

5. Texas 2-0- Thoughts and prayers go out to everyone in South Texas affected by the hurricane. Unfortunately, insult gets added to injury this weekend when Colt goes big on the Rice Owls for our annual “Kick Rice’s head in” weekend. You start to feel bad about bullying an overmatched team year in and year out but then remember that most Rice graduates will be our supervisors at some point so let’s kick the boss’ ass while we can, right?

6. Missouri 3-0- Who needs a defense when you have a Twinkie gargling quarterback who puts up points like he’s playing Madden with the penalties turned off.

7. South Florida 3-0- You know that sensation you get when everyone else was wrong about something and you get to smile, sit back, and revel in your right-ness. Yeah, it’s good and so are the Bulls. Just like we said.

8. Texas Tech 3-0- The non-conference schedule consists of TWO Division II teams, a WAC opponent, and SMU. There are easy schedules, cake schedules, and then there is Tech. Let’s be adults about this.

9. LSU 2-0- In Baton Rouge, they drink, beat up on lesser opponents, drink, laugh at approaching hurricanes, drink and fail tests. No particular order.

10. Penn State 3-0- The Lions haven’t experienced this kind of domination since recruits chose Penn State over Notre Dame and JoePa still remembered what he had for lunch the day before. It was meatloaf, Joe…with peas! Of course, you remember. Here. Take your dementia meds.

11. Wisconsin 3-0- Badgers over Bulldogs sounds like the name of a Gay Biker Bar in rural Mississippi. Well, that or an impressive road win in a hostile environment that was a true test for a team headed into a tough Big Ten schedule.

12. Auburn 3-0- Who needs an offense when you can win games with only a field goal? As a Longhorn, I can’t help but continue to think that this is what Coach Boom Muschamp created on D before coming to UT. Oh, it is going to be beautiful.

13. Ohio State 2-1- Look on the bright side, Buckeye fans. At least you won’t have to develop that false sense of confidence at the end of the year like you have become so accustomed to. Better to get these things over with early than to go through an entire mediocre Big Ten season assuming that has prepared you for the proverbial buzzsaw that would be your Bowl opponent. Know what I mean?

14. Alabama 3-0- Don’t look now but it’s two coaches who will turn their backs on their teams in a heartbeat for more money or more media exposure. Regardless of Razorback Stadium’s ability to hold Saban’s and Petrino’s egos, look the Tide to absolutely ROLL.

15. Oregon 3-0- Bellotti is running through quarterbacks like Jake through a sorority on a Friday night. Good thing the Ducks have something like 9 running backs and an offensive line that opens holes a Buick could run through.

16. East Carolina 3-0- The ride continues complete with some near-loss drama and a coach that might be moving to New York at season’s end.

17. BYU 3-0- Thinks Bronco Mendenhall has a little something against Neuheisel and that he might still be a little pissed about not being seriously considered for the Head job in Westwood? (It was 59-0…in the 3rd quarter) Point taken, Bronco. Jeez.

18. Utah 3-0- At this point, we are really just counting down the days until the Utes meet the Cougs for the battle of Mormon Nation. Until November 22nd, I would expect continued embarrassment of every other team either gets their hands on.

19. Clemson 2-1- The retribution tour continues for Tommy Bowden who would kill his next of kin if it would keep him off of the hot seat. It won’t. The Tigers have the offense to remain the front runner in the ACC but a defense that would pull an Oklahoma in a bowl game. Bet on it.

20. Nebraska 3-0- That’s right. They deserve it. Don’t bawk at the simple schedule (at least they’re not Tech), the Huskers couldn’t buy a victory over a MAC team two seasons ago and now the Blackshirts are marching into Memorial Stadium like it’s 1995. Not surprising considering that throughout Lincoln, Nebraska it is still 1995. Sorry to spoil the surprise but Boyz II Men does not continue to put out hit albums.

21. Kansas 2-1- The small dose of reality dealt by South Florida was enough to prove our point that though there is a high flying offense present, Mangino’s defense has more holes than the five slices of swiss on his sandwich. Rock Chalk got outplayed and out-coached by a better team. No question that the Yellow Bills get better with age so don’t think Missouri is just going to skate to the North Championship.

22. Wake Forest 2-0- The Demon Deacons are the hardest hitting team in the ACC on both sides of the ball. They are also one of the slowest. Hang on to that top 25 ranking tightly.

23. North Carolina 2-0- Is that North Carolina or Miami with so much speed on the field. Looks like Coach Davis has found a new home in Chapel Hill. Pretty soon, the skill positions will be loaded with Miami state penitentiary alums and the defense will have guns in the locker room.

24. Kentucky 3-0- Who needs Andre Woodson?

25. Fresno State 1-1- The Pac 10 would love the opportunity to claim the Dogs at this point. The Pride of the Valley took a top 10 team to the wire and will walk through the WAC like the whirling dervish. Bad analogy but you get the point.

As requested, here are the Top 5 GP Heisman picks so far:

Chase Daniel- Missouri
Sam Bradford- Oklahoma
Mark Sanchez- USC
Tim Tebow- Florida
Knowshon Moreno- Georgia
Darkhorse: Colt McCoy- Who else?

West Virginia at Colorado
Florida at Tennessee
Georgia at Arizona State
LSU at Auburn
Wake Forest at Florida State
Virginia Tech at North Carolina



The Grayson Publication is copyrighted and may not be distributed for profit unless otherwise authorized by ownership.

GP.2008.3

The Renegade College Football Newsletter

The wonderment of the Saturday in Autumn experience on the West Coast is Football at breakfast. For those who don’t get up at 6:45 to shower and pour a cup of coffee before Game Day starts at 7, it is hard to understand. You have no idea how great it feels to take that first sip of Café Bustelo while listening to Corso rave on about God knows what. You enjoy the personal stories of some random player who has been faced with adversity as you dip your fork into your first bite of buttermilk pancakes all the while knowing that in just a few minutes- 9 am to be exact- you will be treated to a meaningless Big Ten game on both ESPNs. I don’t wait ‘til noon. I don’t even order lunch until the first round of games are over. Yes. It is my Saturday morning and it is bliss. It is fourteen straight hours of college football. Just thought I would rub that in. To business:

Skip Holtz is going to be the next head coach at Notre Dame-or at least another Division I program that does not reside in the SEC. We all watched Jim Leavitt, Greg Schiano and others pass up such an opportunity in a magic season. What they didn’t have was overbearing Daddy Lou spitting all over their neck about how to progress in this business. East Carolina is the Cinderella that everyone (at ESPN apparently) and no one (the rest of mankind) saw coming. Thus, Skip Holtz is the new “HOT” coach to go after and if Notre Dame decides not to empty the pockets and get rid of Charlie Donuts then someone else will. Hello Clemson.

Like many of you, I was overjoyed to hear the news that the Tree Sitters have finally been removed from the surrounding foliage at Cal’s Memorial Stadium. Folks, as Hippy Jim from Austin once told me, “The difference between hippy and homeless is knowing where to eat and knowing where to s*&t. And they aren’t the same place.” Amen. Now get out of the tree my friend because there are warmer places to sleep and you’re scaring Jeff Tedford’s recruits.

Not to add fuel to the “Fire Weis” fire but do we all remember 2005 when Michigan/Notre Dame weekend was like being present at the Coliseum in Rome for Ali/Frasier? Since then this rivalry has turned into nothing more than an obligatory slapfest between two rival girl gangs at a Catholic high school. I love this rivalry and the spirit around it but this has fallen close to the Army/Navy line in terms of competitiveness. I know that is harsh but you try saying “Threet vs. Clausen!” without laughing to yourself.

Quick Notes:

West Virginia- Good to see the Bill Stewart decision is working out. (Trying not to laugh and then feeling bad about almost laughing).

I know. We’re a little on the edge this week. Let’s just get to the Top 25.

1. Florida 2-0- Were receivers at Florida really spouting off about being the REAL THE U? Do the Gators really want to be known as gang banging thugs who would rob their own grandmother for pizza money? I don’t know about the boys in blue and orange but I refer to the team in Florida who wins championships as Florida.

2. USC 1-0- Pete Carroll with an extra week to prepare for an opponent is liking handing a Roman Candle to a pyro maniac and spinning him in a circle. For him, all is right with the world. For you: Chaos. Prediction for the “biggest game of the year?” It will be big during the pregame.

3. Oklahoma 2-0- For a clear indication of Bob Stoops understanding what it means to be impressive, what it means to beat the spread, what it means to embarrass an opponent, please review Saturday’s game film against Cincinnati.

4. Georgia 2-0- Mark Richt loves the opportunity to beat up on Steve Spurrier when he has the chance. When revenge is involved…well, ask Florida.

5. Ohio State 2-0- If one player determines the difference between destroying an overmatched MAC opponent what we saw on Saturday, then there is trouble in Herbstreitville. Beat SC in LA? Not a sweater vest’s chance in a Banana Republic.

6. Texas 2-0- We will thoroughly enjoy watching as Colt McCoy effectively shatters every passing record in the Texas book on his way to the short list for the Heisman Trophy. He is humble. He is Opie-like. He is a marksman. He is Colt. He is our Hero.

7. Missouri 2-0- Prediction: Gary Pinkel’s offense will do everything it can to score 52 points for the third straight time. I am willing to bet that they will be successful. After the game, Chase Daniel will try once again to score with a coed that is not from Missouri. Odds aren’t so good.

8. Auburn 2-0- The D has allowed a total of 13 points in two games. They have also recorded two concussions. Lethal. Vile. Stroke causing. This is what Muschamp created at Auburn? Man, I can’t wait to see what happens at Texas.

9. Texas Tech 2-0- The Carnival that is the Tech offense only put up 35 against Nevada, a team that fields a defense once every nine years but trust me, there are explanations: Harrell has a cold (rumor), the Pack was holding Crabtree off the line (granted but who doesn’t), Coach Leach was drawing plays in the dirt with glass from a Jack Daniel’s bottle that he just finished (when is this not the case), etc. Don’t worry, Raider fans. The High School musical that is your schedule continues with SMU and UMASS. Ooh.

10. South Florida 2-0- The best team in the Big East got hit with the UCF taser gun Saturday night only to recover in time to get the big win in Orlando. Grothe wasn’t perfect but he will be much better against Kansas.

11. LSU 1-0- Speaking of insanely easy non-conference schedules.

12. Wisconsin 2-0- I am just about convinced that the Badgers will win the Big Ten. Ohio State/Penn State are back to back at home and Bret Bielema is bothered by the upset alert as much as I’m bothered by tomatoes on my cheeseburger. They are messy but tasty and easily discarded. ON WISCONSIN!

13. Alabama 2-0- Beating Tulane by only two touchdowns is like a double bacon cheeseburger at 4 am. You high-five yourself in the moment but the hangover and reflection in the morning are a whole different story.

14. Penn State 2-0- As much as I would like to believe otherwise, I am willing to bet that Paterno has no idea how his offense has scored 55 points a game in the first two. I would also be willing to be that he has no idea that Syracuse changed it’s name to the Orange several years ago. I would also be willing to bet that he has no idea that he doesn’t HAVE to eat soup at lunch.

15. Oregon 2-0- Speaking of offense: The Ducks boast the nation’s best O and the race really isn’t that close. They also boast the nation’s most possible wardrobe changes. Congratulations.

16. East Carolina 2-0- Beyond comprehension. Looking at the remaining schedule, it is not out of bounds to think that the Pirates could actually go undefeated. Yeah, the furrow in my brow is just as deep as yours but my “What?” reaction was probably a little more dramatic.

17. Arizona State 2-0- After the upcoming 3-0 start, the Devils will face a stretch that includes Georgia, at California, and at USC. I would rather drive rusty nails into both eye balls or watch an episode of the new 90210. Yeah, it’s that bad.

18. California 2-0- 66 points? Does Coach Tedford have something against the boys in Pullman, WA?

19. Kansas 2-0- If there is ever a time to prove the worth to the country…Hello South Florida. Question to the readers: If a Nike Cross Trainer was wrapped in bacon, would Coach Mangino eat it?

20. Clemson 1-1- Are we over the Bama hangover yet? Tommy, did we give them the “win the rest of the season for the gipper” speech? “We are the class of the ACC,” “the purple we wear isn’t feminine, it’s a power purple.” Blah Blah Blah.

21. BYU 2-0- Should we start with how there should have been an overtime or how UW had claimed the momentum and would have dominated some home OT? I don’t know.

22. West Virginia 1-1- How long is Bill Stewart really going to last? Can this guy really talk recruits into coon skin caps and hatchets like Rodriguez could? Doubtful. Can this guy really coach to a Big East championship? No. (Shaking head) No.

23. Fresno State 1-0- Oh, bring on the BCS schools. Let us get our teeth kicked in by non-conference opponents who are happy to visit Fresno for what seems to be a vacation from the Big Ten. Awesome.

24. UCLA 1-0- Neuheisel is praying for another inadequate offensive coordinator at BYU and I’m praying for a Porsche 911 turbo to be parked in my space instead of my 115,000 mile truck. Go Bruins.

25. Utah 2-0- What? You have to put a Mountain West team in the top 25. It’s the “In” thing to do. Right, AP?

Grayson Publication “Jake: It’s What You Do in College” T-Shirts now available. Call 555-555-6969.

Kansas at South Florida

Michigan at Notre Dame

- Just for the hell of it.

UCLA at BYU

Ohio State at USC

- Game of the year…for now

Wisconsin at Fresno State


The Grayson Publication is copyrighted and may not be distributed for profit unless otherwise authorized by ownership.

GP.2008.2

The Renegade College Football Newsletter

Whoa! Week 1 is over and what have we learned? Well, we learned that Michigan is in some real trouble until Rich can get his own recruits and prove that it wasn’t just Pat White and Steve Slaton that made WVU so great. Yeah, I totally said that just now. We learned that we were wrong about our choice for Best Off-season hire: Is it too late to change it to Neuheisel? We learned that Tennessee misses David Cutcliffe as the Offensive Coordinator more than Dorothy missed home. Did I just use a Wizard of Oz reference?

We learned that Alabama is, in fact, good (was that really John Parker Wilson out there?) and Texas A&M really does suck. Really, Aggies? Arkansas State? At this time, we at Grayson Publication would like to point out that we called Mike Sherman the worst off-season hire. Bow. Wave. Thank You. POOOR AGGIES!

Seeing as the GP crew was in Austin for the first Texas game of the season Saturday, my view of the bulldozer that ran over Clemson was somewhat limited. Hey, I’m not sure if you’re aware but Nick Saban knows how to recruit guys to Alabama. He may be offering Escalades, laundry bags full of cash, and all of the Dairy Queens that these guys can possibly rob but he is getting guys that are there to play. Take note, Tommy Bowden. Heath Bar Blizzard, anybody?

We did get to take in a large part of Pete Carroll’s offensive masterpiece on Saturday at the tailgate and yes, it did seem like every time I would shotgun a beer the Trojans would score again. Yeah, the win was impressive. Yes, Slick Rick Neuheisel had a little lemonade running down his leg at the very sight of Sanchez to Hazelton but there is no reason that the Trojans should have jumped Georgia for the #1 spot. What, just because they actually played a Division I team and no one else in the top 5 did? I’m sorry but Virginia MIGHT beat Duke this season and should probably be nervous about next week’s opponent, Richmond, coming to town.

Speaking of which, what the hell is going on in the ACC? Virginia gets hose-spanked, the Tar Heels barely beat Little Company of Mary, and next thing you know, I am getting the Lou Holtz spit shower after his son pulls the upset of East Carolina’s history by beating up on the Hokies. Simmer down, Lou. Skip did not just win the National Championship. Is Wake Forest really the team we have to look forward to? Can Ralph Friedgen really eat that many cheeseburgers? Is Duke really 1-0? Did someone spike my drink with ether?

Let’s just get to the Top 25.


1. Florida 1-0- How do you hang 56 points on an opponent that played in the Sugar Bowl a year earlier without looking like an a-hole about it? Well, you’re Florida. You run the ball, you score some touchdowns, you shrug your shoulders and point at the cheerleaders: The facts of life. The facts of life.

2. USC 1-0- Coaches, when Pete Carroll calls and asks if you want to schedule a non-conference game with him to start the season, you say “No.” Pete will use this off week to key in on Ohio State and decide which of his 11 running backs he might want to use. Brian Cushing will use it to clean Cavalier out of his cleats.

3. Oklahoma 1-0- Sooner fans are hilarious. A 57-2 victory and they’re pissed about the allowed safety. I understand that some are also pissed that Cousin Jimbo cut his mullet and wore a full-sleeved shirt to the game. The nerve!

4. Ohio State 1-0- I know you’ve been hearing it all week but seriously, don’t worry. It’s not like your Heisman candidate and only hope at a National Championship went down with what could be a nagging injury that will limit his playing time for the rest of the season, if not, cause him to miss some games. Oh wait…

5. Georgia 1-0- Three touchdowns in the second half by Georgia Southern? Did UGA poop in Mark Richt’s shoes afterwards? I know that you have to feel bad for the tiny, never gonna make it guys down the highway but come on!

6. Texas 1-0- A word of advice for any Sun Belt conference coach whose team opens the season with a major opponent. DO NOT TALK TRASH ABOUT SAID OPPONENT THE WEEK BEFORE THE GAME! You will get Muschamped! And yes, our DC is now an action word describing what it means to be pummeled. This is also what is known as verb for all you Aggies out there. Not tough? How does 52-10 and cleat marks up your running back’s helmet feel, Schnellenberger? Stick that in your flask and sip it. No, not you, Jake. I’m talking to him, stop…dammit.

7. Missouri 1-0- Yeah, I think we get it. You have an offense. Congratulations. You’re the new Texas Tech and Chase Daniel is Cody Hodges with legs. How is it that we don’t get to see Harrell vs. Daniel and Maclin vs. Crabtree again this year?

8. Auburn 1-0- Tommy Tuberville changes his mind about quarterbacks as often as Brittany Spears changes her mind about being white trash. Tommy, it doesn’t matter what you do with the ball. As long as your defense continues to have piss and vinegar running through their veins, you don’t have much to worry about. No, I’m serious. Did you catch the hit video from this game? I felt like Smokey from Big Lebowski and I was entering a world of pain.

9. South Florida 1-0- The Bulls are this year’s Kansas only with a lot less corn and a lot more Miami dropouts…and a Coach who doesn’t binge on Twinkie cream. Had to. These guys flat outwork you and that is a token to the personality that Jim Leavitt brings to the job every day.

10. West Virginia 1-0- Pat White can drop back and throw all he wants against the likes of Villanova but when it comes to Big Boy football like what will be played on Saturday against ECU, we better see some speed spread O. Hell, I could’ve thrown for 3 touchdowns against the Wildcats. What do you want? A Milano?

11. Texas Tech 1-0- Oh, you were right, Raider fans. The Wreck ‘em Crew defense is sure fire and spitting lightning. Holding E. Washington (Division 2) to 24 points? That’s impressive. Picking up a little bit of sarcasm? I will do my best to not expect it against Nevada. Prediction? Tech 54 Nevada- 27. Harrell to Crabtree for 4 scores.

12. LSU 1-0- How much did it sting for Michigan fans to watch the coach they couldn’t get crush the Division II team they couldn’t beat? Did it add just a splash of lemon juice to the salt that was already in the wound? Did it feel like when you go to the beach and you get that ridiculous amount of sand in your eye when the Frisbee lands just short? Did it remind you of trying to open a sealed lid with all your might only to bend your finger nail so far back you cut the skin underneath? Are you gritting your teeth yet? Geaux Tigers!

13. Alabama 1-0- Well Rammer Jammer Freaking Yellow Hammer! Check Wilson for steroids, check Julio Jones’ checking account, and find out if Nick Saban put Go-Go juice in the Gatorade. You want to talk most impressive team from Saturday? It was Bama! Numbered helmets and all. Roll Tide!

14. Wisconsin 1-0- Without two turnovers in the second quarter, no way Akron stays as close as they did. Personally, I think someone was on the take as they magically avoided the 26.5 point line. Magically.

15. Arizona State 1-0- When you barely beat a Division II team that resides at the base of the Grand Canyon (Translation- middle of nowhere meaning how could they possibly have any athletes) people start to question whether you can actually play with the other powers in the Pac 10. Something to keep in mind while getting ready for the fighting Harbaughs.

16. Penn State 1-0- In the postgame news conference following the 66-10 crushing of Coastal Carolina, Coach Paterno asked for a warm glass of milk, some Efferdent in a glass for his teeth, a piece of toffee, and for one of the reporters to sit on his lap while he told the story of the Nittany Lion. They are this good and he is that old.

17. Oregon 1-0- Does it really matter who is playing quarterback when you can hand the ball off to Jeremiah Johnson and your defense makes the opposing star quarterback look like a trained monkey without cymbals. Washington is that bad but the Ducks are also that good. Even with awful uniforms. That was for you, Papa Cruz.

18. Clemson 0-1- Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. (Sigh) Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.

19. South Carolina 1-0- I think Spurrier really focuses his starting QB decision on whose name sucks worse: Beecher, Smelley, Smiggenpotts. It’s a really tough job.

20. California 1-0- You gotta hand it to Jeff Tedford. The guy is willing to put some actual competition on the schedule. He is taking a page from Pete Carroll’s playbook and getting his boys ready to play against tough competition every week. Except for this week, of course, but you have to play Washington State. They are still in the conference.

21. BYU 1-0- Against Washington, Max Hall will throw for 330 yards, 4 touchdowns and will convert several formerly paroled UW athletes to the Church of Latter Day Saints. Is there an over/under for that in BYU games? Well, there should be.

22. Kansas 1-0- The scary thing for this team is that there are experts who are expecting the game against Louisiana Tech to be close. I’m not sure if I would go that far but if it is, I am willing to bet that Mangino finds a way to blame the BCS. Dollar signs!

23. Utah 1-0- I just love how the boys at ESPN are looking at the victory over Michigan like a leprechaun just jumped out of their butts with a pot of gold. Shock. Disbelief. Painful. Really? Who didn’t see this coming? Utah is potential BCS buster and Michigan is rebuilding like a tornado hit. ‘Nuff said. Oh, hey Leprechaun.

24. UCLA 1-0-.Rick Neuheisel is officially BACK is already pulling off wins he shouldn’t. No one saw this coming. Not me, not Colin Cowherd, not Rick himself, not even Matilda the crazy Psychic at the dingy motel down the street who picks my games for me. Dewayne Walker was made to look like a genius the way he handled the Tennessee offense and the new OC at Tennessee might be coaching quarterbacks on junior high club teams this time next week. Can Slick Rick keep this up? Only if the defense can continue to play out of their minds and he can teach his QB that they are the guys in the powder blue.

25. Fresno State 1-0- Pat “Power of the Stache” Hill is crazy. Absolutely out of his mind nuts for traveling all over the country to play whoever will schedule his team. His players are also crazy for agreeing to attend college in Fresno. If you haven’t been, don’t go and if you have, I know a doctor who keeps loads penicillin in stock. How do you not love this attitude and this team?

Georgia Tech at Boston College- Our first look into dismal ACC conference play. It should look like a slower version of Texas High School football.

Ole Miss at Wake Forest- I am calling for the upset! Jevan Snead and company travel into Winston-Salem and add to the existing ACC meltdown.

Miami at Florida

East Carolina at West Virginia

Yes, this is going to be a “slow” week for college football with very few marquee matchups so use this weekend to hit Home Depot, take the kids to the park, or visit the motor home pool for your weekly shower as next week is going to be insane from morning to night. Until next week, Get Muschamped!


The Grayson Publication is copyrighted and may not be distributed for profit unless otherwise authorized by ownership.