GP.2008.11

The Renegade College Football Newsletter

Apparently, Michael Crabtree is the Matrix. He has the ability to will Texas defensive backs to drop sure interceptions and then make himself close to invisible thus avoiding two apparent tackles and scampering into the end zone for the winning touchdown with but a second left on the clock. Yes, we are still sick in Austin.

Give Texas Tech and their idiot fans their due. (Nice preemptive field-rush, guys. Way to look like, I don’t know, Aggies) What started out as yet another “Tech jumps out in front only to blow it in the second half with Texas running away by the 5 minute mark” game turned into the reality that has been the sleeping giant in Lubbock for several years: When they have big time players on both sides of the line, they can actually compete with us and it sucks, people, sucks. It’s that moment when you realize your little brother is suddenly as strong as you are and on any given day, he could kick your ass.

Congrats to Tech. Games like that are what make college football what it is. It just really hurts when it happens to you and you have to live with it for a year. Now, I know what Florida State must feel like…all the time. Jesus, I sound like a Dashboard Confessional song.

Just beat Baylor for God’s sake so I can stop crying myself to sleep at night while wearing my national championship boxers and Vince Young jersey. The wife doesn’t find it that appealing.

Here is a raise of the glass to Phil Fulmer. Regardless of how many strips of bacon you can consume in one sitting, if you don’t win consistently at Tennessee, you can’t stay. We’ll miss you, Fat Phil. From GP, one last time, Rocky Top. Oh, and tell your AD that if he calls Will Muschamp, I will personally roll a hand grenade into Smokey’s room. I have Gary Patterson’s number ready on speed dial. Yours if you want it.

It is snowing in hell, Syracuse won a game, I am swatting pigs from the rafters, we lost to Tech, and Syracuse won a game!:

Washington Huskies
Washington State Cougars
North Texas Mean Green

1. Alabama 9-0- Sorry, this should read, “Reserved for Urban Meyer.” Our mistake.
2. Texas Tech 9-0- Michael Crabtree dreamed it. “Dreamed it in his head” and I heard that Miss Cleo told him that he is going to get the Wii for Christmas and they will win a BCS bowl. Hilarious.
3. Penn State 9-0- Let’s be adults, this team MIGHT be the 7th best team in the country and a National Championship appearance will result in another Big Ten team being dominated by speed and creativity on offense. I never want to wish ill will on the elderly (unless I’m driving behind them) but let’s hope that the Nitts slip before they get to 12-0. I don’t want another “regular” BCS game that is more exciting than the MNC.
4. Florida 7-1- This is the best team in college football right now. No question. The Gators will blow through Bama in December and there is not a team on this list that could rival the precision that is going on in Gainesville…or the drunken lunacy. Well, maybe us but we have Jake. Really not that fair.
5. Texas 8-1- (Long sigh) Well, (short sigh), we just couldn’t (pause), the missed opportunities and clock management problems (long pause). Colt tried so hard, you know and the defense played such a great second half, it’s just…freaking Tech. (Lone tear).
6. Oklahoma 8-1- Are Demarco Murray and Sam Bradford really only sophomores? Can you really marry your cousin in the state of Oklahoma. Wikipedia confirms both and I am not sure which I am more uncomfortable with.
7. Oklahoma State 8-1- Remember in 2001 when the victory over Oklahoma vaulted us into the conference championship game? A repeat of that would be friggin’ sweet. Like, really awesome.
8. USC 7-1- Winning this conference is like winning a beauty pageant at fat camp so don’t even get me started on the theories of the Trojans ending up in the National Championship game.
9. Utah 9-0- Busting hopes will be ruined by TCU Thursday night when the Frogs show this team what a Division I defense looks like.
10. Boise State 8-0- This is that time of year when the Broncos get nervous about their underpaid and underappreciated head coach bolting for a top program like, hell I don’t know, Washington, Syracuse, Tennessee, Kansas State, or any other school that actually pays.
11. TCU 9-1- Gary Patterson might actually be the best non-BCS conference head coach. I realize that I am becoming borderline annoying about this but the guy has had four double digit win seasons since 2002 (this will be his fifth), recruits strong talent and makes them stronger (75% of the roster benches 400+ pounds), and knows how to beat the big boys. Imagine what he could do in a big market where the school actually invests in it’s athletic facilities. Seriously, most big programs practice in nicer stadiums than Amon G. Carter.
12. Missouri 7-2- “A fauxhawk above others: Being an overrated system quarterback from Texas” The Chase Daniel story.
13. Ohio State 7-2- Hey, didn’t you use to be the #2 team in the country?
14. Georgia 7-2- Hey, didn’t you use to be the #1 team in the country? Who didn’t see the Florida rout coming after last season’s “everybody storm the endzone” gesture? I was actually expecting Urban Meyer to stand at the 50 yard line the entire game, just staring at Richt and giving him the finger whilst his team runs all over them.
15. LSU 6-2- This team is only a year away from being right back in the Top 5 and winning the SEC. That is what Les Miles does. He gets the right players. Well, he gets the right coeds to be present at recruiting visits so that he can get the right players. Think the Michigan administration is kicking itself after not throwing nearly enough dough at this guy?
16. Michigan State 8-2- This could very well be the team that ruins the whole show for Penn State. Granted they would have to find a quarterback who knows the difference between his team colors and the opponents’.
17. Ball State 8-0- By the time you read this, this team will have taken yet another MAC team behind the woodshed and beaten them with bamboo reads.
18. BYU 8-1- I am still thanking God for the loss to the Frogs. Can you imagine having to watch this undersized, no real speed team in a BCS game? It would have been a midget tossing contest.
19. North Carolina 6-2- We told you to enjoy the Butch Davis era while it lasted. Next season you will probably be enjoying him wearing Tennessee Orange and rallying up the best fans in the country.
20. Georgia Tech 7-2- I have to own up to it. I almost threw the Jackets in the “What were you thinking?” column concerning the hiring of Paul Johnson. I am just as shocked as you that there is a team out there that runs the triple option successfully and they are not a military academy.
21. California 6-2- The Fighting Golden Hippies have been an phenomenal surprise but Jeff Tedford may need a few extra hits of LSD to come up with an offensive game plan that can solve SC’s blitz attack. Look for the hook and ladder, the woopty doo, and the Butter Splash. Otherwise, this game turns into Chevy Silverado vs. Toyota Prius.
22. Florida State 6-2- Who doesn’t love that “WTF just happened” look that Bobby gets every time his team falls behind in the fourth quarter. It is just plain comedy.
23. West Virginia 6-2- The Mountaineers have four guys who run 4.4 40s and 60 guys who run 5.2s. This would explain why everyone looks like they are standing still when Pat White has the ball.
24. Maryland 6-2- Ralph Friedgen still has the hardest hitting team in the ACC. Thus, in the SEC, they would be Vanderbilt.
25. Northwestern 7-2- Really?

As requested, here are the Top 3 GP Heisman picks so far:

Graham Harrell
Colt McCoy
Sam Bradford

TCU at Utah
California at USC
Georgia Tech at North Carolina
Oklahoma State at Texas Tech
Alabama at LSU


The Grayson Publication is copyrighted and may not be distributed for profit unless otherwise authorized by ownership.