GP.2008.3

The Renegade College Football Newsletter

The wonderment of the Saturday in Autumn experience on the West Coast is Football at breakfast. For those who don’t get up at 6:45 to shower and pour a cup of coffee before Game Day starts at 7, it is hard to understand. You have no idea how great it feels to take that first sip of Café Bustelo while listening to Corso rave on about God knows what. You enjoy the personal stories of some random player who has been faced with adversity as you dip your fork into your first bite of buttermilk pancakes all the while knowing that in just a few minutes- 9 am to be exact- you will be treated to a meaningless Big Ten game on both ESPNs. I don’t wait ‘til noon. I don’t even order lunch until the first round of games are over. Yes. It is my Saturday morning and it is bliss. It is fourteen straight hours of college football. Just thought I would rub that in. To business:

Skip Holtz is going to be the next head coach at Notre Dame-or at least another Division I program that does not reside in the SEC. We all watched Jim Leavitt, Greg Schiano and others pass up such an opportunity in a magic season. What they didn’t have was overbearing Daddy Lou spitting all over their neck about how to progress in this business. East Carolina is the Cinderella that everyone (at ESPN apparently) and no one (the rest of mankind) saw coming. Thus, Skip Holtz is the new “HOT” coach to go after and if Notre Dame decides not to empty the pockets and get rid of Charlie Donuts then someone else will. Hello Clemson.

Like many of you, I was overjoyed to hear the news that the Tree Sitters have finally been removed from the surrounding foliage at Cal’s Memorial Stadium. Folks, as Hippy Jim from Austin once told me, “The difference between hippy and homeless is knowing where to eat and knowing where to s*&t. And they aren’t the same place.” Amen. Now get out of the tree my friend because there are warmer places to sleep and you’re scaring Jeff Tedford’s recruits.

Not to add fuel to the “Fire Weis” fire but do we all remember 2005 when Michigan/Notre Dame weekend was like being present at the Coliseum in Rome for Ali/Frasier? Since then this rivalry has turned into nothing more than an obligatory slapfest between two rival girl gangs at a Catholic high school. I love this rivalry and the spirit around it but this has fallen close to the Army/Navy line in terms of competitiveness. I know that is harsh but you try saying “Threet vs. Clausen!” without laughing to yourself.

Quick Notes:

West Virginia- Good to see the Bill Stewart decision is working out. (Trying not to laugh and then feeling bad about almost laughing).

I know. We’re a little on the edge this week. Let’s just get to the Top 25.

1. Florida 2-0- Were receivers at Florida really spouting off about being the REAL THE U? Do the Gators really want to be known as gang banging thugs who would rob their own grandmother for pizza money? I don’t know about the boys in blue and orange but I refer to the team in Florida who wins championships as Florida.

2. USC 1-0- Pete Carroll with an extra week to prepare for an opponent is liking handing a Roman Candle to a pyro maniac and spinning him in a circle. For him, all is right with the world. For you: Chaos. Prediction for the “biggest game of the year?” It will be big during the pregame.

3. Oklahoma 2-0- For a clear indication of Bob Stoops understanding what it means to be impressive, what it means to beat the spread, what it means to embarrass an opponent, please review Saturday’s game film against Cincinnati.

4. Georgia 2-0- Mark Richt loves the opportunity to beat up on Steve Spurrier when he has the chance. When revenge is involved…well, ask Florida.

5. Ohio State 2-0- If one player determines the difference between destroying an overmatched MAC opponent what we saw on Saturday, then there is trouble in Herbstreitville. Beat SC in LA? Not a sweater vest’s chance in a Banana Republic.

6. Texas 2-0- We will thoroughly enjoy watching as Colt McCoy effectively shatters every passing record in the Texas book on his way to the short list for the Heisman Trophy. He is humble. He is Opie-like. He is a marksman. He is Colt. He is our Hero.

7. Missouri 2-0- Prediction: Gary Pinkel’s offense will do everything it can to score 52 points for the third straight time. I am willing to bet that they will be successful. After the game, Chase Daniel will try once again to score with a coed that is not from Missouri. Odds aren’t so good.

8. Auburn 2-0- The D has allowed a total of 13 points in two games. They have also recorded two concussions. Lethal. Vile. Stroke causing. This is what Muschamp created at Auburn? Man, I can’t wait to see what happens at Texas.

9. Texas Tech 2-0- The Carnival that is the Tech offense only put up 35 against Nevada, a team that fields a defense once every nine years but trust me, there are explanations: Harrell has a cold (rumor), the Pack was holding Crabtree off the line (granted but who doesn’t), Coach Leach was drawing plays in the dirt with glass from a Jack Daniel’s bottle that he just finished (when is this not the case), etc. Don’t worry, Raider fans. The High School musical that is your schedule continues with SMU and UMASS. Ooh.

10. South Florida 2-0- The best team in the Big East got hit with the UCF taser gun Saturday night only to recover in time to get the big win in Orlando. Grothe wasn’t perfect but he will be much better against Kansas.

11. LSU 1-0- Speaking of insanely easy non-conference schedules.

12. Wisconsin 2-0- I am just about convinced that the Badgers will win the Big Ten. Ohio State/Penn State are back to back at home and Bret Bielema is bothered by the upset alert as much as I’m bothered by tomatoes on my cheeseburger. They are messy but tasty and easily discarded. ON WISCONSIN!

13. Alabama 2-0- Beating Tulane by only two touchdowns is like a double bacon cheeseburger at 4 am. You high-five yourself in the moment but the hangover and reflection in the morning are a whole different story.

14. Penn State 2-0- As much as I would like to believe otherwise, I am willing to bet that Paterno has no idea how his offense has scored 55 points a game in the first two. I would also be willing to be that he has no idea that Syracuse changed it’s name to the Orange several years ago. I would also be willing to bet that he has no idea that he doesn’t HAVE to eat soup at lunch.

15. Oregon 2-0- Speaking of offense: The Ducks boast the nation’s best O and the race really isn’t that close. They also boast the nation’s most possible wardrobe changes. Congratulations.

16. East Carolina 2-0- Beyond comprehension. Looking at the remaining schedule, it is not out of bounds to think that the Pirates could actually go undefeated. Yeah, the furrow in my brow is just as deep as yours but my “What?” reaction was probably a little more dramatic.

17. Arizona State 2-0- After the upcoming 3-0 start, the Devils will face a stretch that includes Georgia, at California, and at USC. I would rather drive rusty nails into both eye balls or watch an episode of the new 90210. Yeah, it’s that bad.

18. California 2-0- 66 points? Does Coach Tedford have something against the boys in Pullman, WA?

19. Kansas 2-0- If there is ever a time to prove the worth to the country…Hello South Florida. Question to the readers: If a Nike Cross Trainer was wrapped in bacon, would Coach Mangino eat it?

20. Clemson 1-1- Are we over the Bama hangover yet? Tommy, did we give them the “win the rest of the season for the gipper” speech? “We are the class of the ACC,” “the purple we wear isn’t feminine, it’s a power purple.” Blah Blah Blah.

21. BYU 2-0- Should we start with how there should have been an overtime or how UW had claimed the momentum and would have dominated some home OT? I don’t know.

22. West Virginia 1-1- How long is Bill Stewart really going to last? Can this guy really talk recruits into coon skin caps and hatchets like Rodriguez could? Doubtful. Can this guy really coach to a Big East championship? No. (Shaking head) No.

23. Fresno State 1-0- Oh, bring on the BCS schools. Let us get our teeth kicked in by non-conference opponents who are happy to visit Fresno for what seems to be a vacation from the Big Ten. Awesome.

24. UCLA 1-0- Neuheisel is praying for another inadequate offensive coordinator at BYU and I’m praying for a Porsche 911 turbo to be parked in my space instead of my 115,000 mile truck. Go Bruins.

25. Utah 2-0- What? You have to put a Mountain West team in the top 25. It’s the “In” thing to do. Right, AP?

Grayson Publication “Jake: It’s What You Do in College” T-Shirts now available. Call 555-555-6969.

Kansas at South Florida

Michigan at Notre Dame

- Just for the hell of it.

UCLA at BYU

Ohio State at USC

- Game of the year…for now

Wisconsin at Fresno State


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