Craig James is a Swarovski-studded rectal tampon. I JUST got to watch the TV version of the game (I was there live. Don’t worry, my Kyle Field experience will be recounted in another post) and this is the first conclusion that I came to upon completing that telecast. Essentially, Craig James...rectal bleeding. Craig, we get it. You hate Texas. You’re an Aggie at heart because your entire family of motor home dwellers once did a bootleg run through College Station and fell in love sword-toting Christian bluegrass fans. The fact that we didn’t bother recruiting your douche-infused son didn’t help our case either. We don’t need your Texas hating bravado being displayed in the telecast so can it moving forward. I’ve already sent ESPN a strongly-worded letter regarding your affiliation with our games. Here’s to hoping we never play the Ags on a Thursday again so we can avoid your toxic presence. On to the game
Defense
Because where else would we start? The offense? Hahahahahaha, please. The Manny marauders were locked in after giving up an initial TD drive that drove fear and doubt into the hearts of all Longhorn fans. I equate this feeling to my mood after being forced to watch the Macy’s parade. I feared for my Longhorns in the same vein as fearing for my country when exposed to this insipid bullshit before I’ve had a lunchtime cocktail.
DBs
Absolutely stellar performance. These guys were on islands for most of the game against one of the best receiving corps in the conference and played lights out. Game balls to Byndom and Diggs with Vaccarro being a close third seeing as he had the hefty role of shutting down Swope. This is no small feat given that crafty white receivers who excel in zone have been the bane of our existence for years. See Welker, Wes amongst many others. Gideon was Gideon but his run support can’t be discounted either. Delayed draws and screens are the frosting that makes the cake in spread formations. Limiting that productivity with intelligent safeties who like to give out concussions is a significant value-add.
Back to the boys on the outside, we have to throw Phillips in the mix given that we ran nickel and dime most of the night. The stress that teams like Aggie can put on DBs is substantial. We’ll see even more of it this weekend and coming into the season, the biggest fear I had was that we had inexperienced players defending receivers in a spread-happy league. Ecstatic isn’t the word for my happiness in this area. Diggs and Byndom are a freshman and a sophomore. Say that to yourself until it makes sense. Now celebrate the fact that we’re getting at least one more season out of these two. I recommend M80s over roman candles. Less grandeur but more bang.
LBs
Man, that got out of hand fast. Keenan killed a guy with a trident.
EACHO has used this season to solidify his all-conference status and to secure a fat paycheck. He also affirmed my love for Nigerians. He is the headiest player on the field and seems to have corrected his Ole approach to tackles on gut runs. Robinson was masterful for the second straight week and his stat line is packed but it doesn’t even scratch the surface of his progression. Our use of KRob as a delayed blitzer and general “f shit up for the QB” type of guy is paying off beautifully. You normally don’t want to dedicate your experienced LBs to that type of role when your DBs lack snaps but we have two veterans in the secondary and young cats who will be rivaling each other for a Thorpe Award next season. Embarrassment of riches, imo. Hicks didn’t get much run given our packages but when he was in the game, he filled his role beautifully. He doesn’t get as much press because he is typically asked to spy more than crash but you’ll notice that it’s rarely his man that is running free on crosses because he is punching them in the spleen off the line.
What we’ve learned is that when Acho is asked to be cerebral and Robinson is allowed to access his inner Ronnie Lott, we’re at a different level than any team in the conference at this position. Both are gone next season. Edmond and others better be taking notes. Manny may stab them with a shiv formed from scotch tape and a toothbrush if they aren’t. Is it racist that I picture him in a blue bandana when he does it?
DL
Also, masterful. After the first drive, the tackles essentially shoved Malena right back up Sherm’s ass and this allowed Okafor and Jeffcoat to simply focus on trying to dismember Tannehill. They were almost successful in that venture. Being there live and sitting only five rows from the field, it was impossible to get an idea of how badly he was taking those shots but the 60” doesn’t lie and it tells me that he was a couple of hits from flat refusing to get up. Ok, Randall, Dorsey, Jcoat, Daniels. All were given the same directive which was to make anyone wearing maroon question their sexual orientation by game’s end. Success! Tannehill is now, apparently, a coke dealing drag queen in Bryan while Matthews has decided to [redacted due to graphic comment that crossed even my own moral threshold] thanks to Okafor [again, redacted, trust me. If you want to know, I can tell you in confidence but you might think less of me].
I’m never that concerned about teams amassing yards against our D. It’s about comfort. Offenses with big play ability will make big plays. It’s going to happen but if those plays are few and far between and are sandwiched around series of offensive pig vomit, then we’re doing our jobs. I am thoroughly impressed with everything this unit is doing right now and the depth that we are creating is setting us up for a very special 2012.
Offense
I don’t think that there really is any need to go into it beyond what has already been written elsewhere and what you saw. Nothing is special right now unless you’re talking about the short bus. In that case, there are several members of this unit that I would recommend for a ride. Not you, Case. This isn’t based on looks. If our two quarterbacking orangutans can avoid giving the ball to the guys in the other colors, we are in a position to win grueling games. When we need a big play throwing the ball, we better pray we make the right read or switch to a trick option that allows a certain receiver to toss the ball downfield to a certain TE.
Gotta hand it to Case for showing the cajones to take off during that last drive though I would have loved to see him slide there rather than go all pinball on me and nearly get the football stripped. His confidence is actually cockiness and that has been under fire throughout the year but it is moments like this one where I want an arrogant guy out there who simply knows he is going to make the necessary play. Vince did it loudly. Colt did it quietly but they both had it.
The rest of the offense played like a bag of prison-raped aholes the rest of the night so I’m not going to go into my frustration over blocking and scheme. Get it together, Harsin.
Special Teams
Thank God I didn’t shoot Tucker with that tranc dart after his third crappy punt, eh? You made up for it, Justin. All is forgiven. That being said, let’s adjust to any potential wind headed into Waco, capeche? If we put the Baylor offense on our own 40 several times, we can expect 6s as opposed to 3s or turnovers.
It’s hard to make this argument but it’s possible that Diggs’ impact has been felt more on ST than on D. The 81 yard return shifted some tide and he is a constant threat to do the same on KOs. We’re a scary team to kick to and that is something we haven’t said in quite some time.
Overall
Like I said, I’ll get to the Kyle Field experience later but I will say that it was an amazing experience to have considering that this is the way this game should have gone down. Both teams beating on each other until the bitter end with one bloodied opponent finally landing the finishing punch on the other. Karma is an angry, nutcracking biatch, Ags. Good riddance. Take your f’ing dog with you.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
It’s been a sad few weeks for GP. Not in the sense that we, the writing team, have been buried in depression but content has been lacking. I would apologize but I’m really not that sorry. See, we’re not Barking Carnival. We don’t have 22 writers ready and willing to contribute when others are busy. There are three of us: Carlos has been meandering about Europe trying to convince various nationalities that the Lions will one day win a Super Bowl and that the Houston Oilers were once an actual football team. Ben has spreading the word of Maker’s Mark to non-believers. A tedious task, indeed, but the responsibility rests on his shoulders and he carries the weight like a Oaxacan Burro. Me? Well, I work for a living so, yeah.
As I sat down to write this, I realized that a summary of our last two games would be useless. You all saw them and I really kind of prepared myself for the OU debacle but was pleasantly surprised by our efforts against OSU. Enough said there so we should focus on where we are not where we’ve been so let us put the horizon in the windshield and take it from here.
WHERE WE ARE NOW AKA YOUNG GUYS CAN TAKE A KICK IN THE DICK AND WITHOUT SOBBING
Offense
I start here because I feel like this is the side of the ball where the most work is needed. I realize that the Defense has looked like a burning bag of shit on a Compton projects doorstep the past two weeks but the problems on that side of the ball are more easily fixed.
QB
Neither QB is “the answer” at this point. In fact, the two combined barely make a Chance Mock to this point. It’s hard to be too down on this position at this point though given the short timeframe in which they were inundated with a new offense and the fact that Ash is a true freshman. Kellen Moore wasn’t exactly balls to the wall his first season in the Harsin offense either. It takes time and seasoning like a good smoked brisket or a Sophomore co-ed who claims to love Jesus and swears to be devoted to celibacy. By that comparison, maybe all our QBs need is three shots of Cuervo at a Rush party but this isn’t the SEC so they would be banned for games rather than quarters and we can’t afford that.
It seems the staff was willing to gamble on the Ash upside and I applaud the dice roll. Ash is more skilled than McCoy- has a better arm, can actually run without a pimp limp, etc. The problem is neither has solid pocket presence to this point and that can be blamed on an untrustworthy offensive line. The hope is that the running game’s success will allow them to simply manage the offense as opposed to having to take over games but we’ve seen that plan get blown to bits when we can’t stop the opposing offense from running up scores. Pure passing situations are our kryptonite at this point and while I expect us to get better, I’m not holding out hope that the light bulb will go from 40 watts to 100 any time soon for either player. I hope that I’m wrong but until either player has an entire offseason to be marinated in Harsin’s fridge, we’ll have to live with our limitations. My money is on Ash becoming the next Kellen Moore but without having to sit on phone books to drive.
OL
When you have to replace a 5th year Senior with a freshman at tackle, you’re admitting lazy recruiting and poor development. I’m looking at you, Mad Dog. I’m looking straight through those Oakleys that you’ve had for nine years. Given that I feared the worst for this grouping before the season, I’d argue that the group has performed above par and I have been pleasantly surprised at times. We continue to struggle in protection but the running game finally has guys that are nasty enough that the backs can trust that a push will be there. Basically, 3rd and 2 with a big set no longer scares the shit out of me so we have that going for us. We are putting up solid rushing numbers against quality lines without a QB who can outrun a linebacker. How crazy is that? Thank you, Stacy Searels. Good riddance McWhorter and Davis blocking schemes. As this group continues to progress and gel, we will wear opposition down early in games and laugh as we turn 10 point 4th quarter leads into 24 point victories.
Pancake blocks on the edge are suddenly reality again and that puts a smile on my face.
RB
I told Carlos before the season that while most were drooling over the existence of Malcolm Brown, I was most excited that Fozzy was finally healthy. I knew the talent was there but I can’t admit that I saw this coming. What is most beneficial about the Fozz is his leadership and what he is teaching the young backs. I don’t think any of us expected Brown to be the next Priest Holmes, either. There isn’t much to say here beyond the fact that this is the most productive grouping on the team. Brown, Monroe, and Fozz have all been great to this point. It’s amazing how good talented backs can be when there are coordinators in place who understand how to develop scheme for the running game. I imagine Greg Davis sitting in his La-Z-boy, wearing bunny slippers, and choking on a butterscotch candy every time he sees us run a counter for positive yards. Replacing a departing Fozz with Gray next season is replacing your 15 year Glen Fiddich with 12 Year Macallan and a bowl of toasted almonds.
WR
Ship and Davis are the next Quan and well, Ship but there is too much talent in this group for us to only be talking about two guys. The addition of Goodwin did wonders for my blood pressure but he has been near non-existent outside of designed screens and jet sweeps. This bothers me because if you find yourself waiting for Freshmen to come around, you may never get your answer. I firmly believe that Harris and Onyegbule will turn the corner and become major threats while I hold little faith in Hales or White to put on their big boy pants before a transfer to Texas State. We’ve heard numerous times that some of these guys are making big strides in practice but I’ll believe the hype when I see it on the field. Don’t get me wrong, not all of the blame is on them. A lot of the problems still rest on the shoulders of our QBs and until those two monkeys understand check progression is a science and not an improv exercise, we’ll continue to see two guys used as safety nets. That or incompletions in bunches.
TE
What is there to talk about? This is a TE focused offense with little production from that position. Yes, they’re blocking better and that is exciting and yes, there hasn’t exactly been a ton of opportunity here given our sets and run devotion but there is an opportunity for this to be a large part of our offense specifically in play-action. It just hasn’t been and that should concern you.
Overall
I recognize that I am being pessimistic and possibly overzealous in this review but like most Longhorn fans, I expect dramatic improvement from game to game. The lack of consistent play from all positions makes my eyelids twitch and my cardiologist is tiring of my phone calls. There is a lot of opportunity here and I am optimistic (see, I can be positive) that we have the coaches in place to get us to a point of comfort before season’s end. The Oklahoma State game was a positive sign that we are going in the right direction and that the players are buying in to their respective roles. I love Bryan Harsin. We’ll cover Defense tomorrow. I’m tired.
As I sat down to write this, I realized that a summary of our last two games would be useless. You all saw them and I really kind of prepared myself for the OU debacle but was pleasantly surprised by our efforts against OSU. Enough said there so we should focus on where we are not where we’ve been so let us put the horizon in the windshield and take it from here.
WHERE WE ARE NOW AKA YOUNG GUYS CAN TAKE A KICK IN THE DICK AND WITHOUT SOBBING
Offense
I start here because I feel like this is the side of the ball where the most work is needed. I realize that the Defense has looked like a burning bag of shit on a Compton projects doorstep the past two weeks but the problems on that side of the ball are more easily fixed.
QB
Neither QB is “the answer” at this point. In fact, the two combined barely make a Chance Mock to this point. It’s hard to be too down on this position at this point though given the short timeframe in which they were inundated with a new offense and the fact that Ash is a true freshman. Kellen Moore wasn’t exactly balls to the wall his first season in the Harsin offense either. It takes time and seasoning like a good smoked brisket or a Sophomore co-ed who claims to love Jesus and swears to be devoted to celibacy. By that comparison, maybe all our QBs need is three shots of Cuervo at a Rush party but this isn’t the SEC so they would be banned for games rather than quarters and we can’t afford that.
It seems the staff was willing to gamble on the Ash upside and I applaud the dice roll. Ash is more skilled than McCoy- has a better arm, can actually run without a pimp limp, etc. The problem is neither has solid pocket presence to this point and that can be blamed on an untrustworthy offensive line. The hope is that the running game’s success will allow them to simply manage the offense as opposed to having to take over games but we’ve seen that plan get blown to bits when we can’t stop the opposing offense from running up scores. Pure passing situations are our kryptonite at this point and while I expect us to get better, I’m not holding out hope that the light bulb will go from 40 watts to 100 any time soon for either player. I hope that I’m wrong but until either player has an entire offseason to be marinated in Harsin’s fridge, we’ll have to live with our limitations. My money is on Ash becoming the next Kellen Moore but without having to sit on phone books to drive.
OL
When you have to replace a 5th year Senior with a freshman at tackle, you’re admitting lazy recruiting and poor development. I’m looking at you, Mad Dog. I’m looking straight through those Oakleys that you’ve had for nine years. Given that I feared the worst for this grouping before the season, I’d argue that the group has performed above par and I have been pleasantly surprised at times. We continue to struggle in protection but the running game finally has guys that are nasty enough that the backs can trust that a push will be there. Basically, 3rd and 2 with a big set no longer scares the shit out of me so we have that going for us. We are putting up solid rushing numbers against quality lines without a QB who can outrun a linebacker. How crazy is that? Thank you, Stacy Searels. Good riddance McWhorter and Davis blocking schemes. As this group continues to progress and gel, we will wear opposition down early in games and laugh as we turn 10 point 4th quarter leads into 24 point victories.
Pancake blocks on the edge are suddenly reality again and that puts a smile on my face.
RB
I told Carlos before the season that while most were drooling over the existence of Malcolm Brown, I was most excited that Fozzy was finally healthy. I knew the talent was there but I can’t admit that I saw this coming. What is most beneficial about the Fozz is his leadership and what he is teaching the young backs. I don’t think any of us expected Brown to be the next Priest Holmes, either. There isn’t much to say here beyond the fact that this is the most productive grouping on the team. Brown, Monroe, and Fozz have all been great to this point. It’s amazing how good talented backs can be when there are coordinators in place who understand how to develop scheme for the running game. I imagine Greg Davis sitting in his La-Z-boy, wearing bunny slippers, and choking on a butterscotch candy every time he sees us run a counter for positive yards. Replacing a departing Fozz with Gray next season is replacing your 15 year Glen Fiddich with 12 Year Macallan and a bowl of toasted almonds.
WR
Ship and Davis are the next Quan and well, Ship but there is too much talent in this group for us to only be talking about two guys. The addition of Goodwin did wonders for my blood pressure but he has been near non-existent outside of designed screens and jet sweeps. This bothers me because if you find yourself waiting for Freshmen to come around, you may never get your answer. I firmly believe that Harris and Onyegbule will turn the corner and become major threats while I hold little faith in Hales or White to put on their big boy pants before a transfer to Texas State. We’ve heard numerous times that some of these guys are making big strides in practice but I’ll believe the hype when I see it on the field. Don’t get me wrong, not all of the blame is on them. A lot of the problems still rest on the shoulders of our QBs and until those two monkeys understand check progression is a science and not an improv exercise, we’ll continue to see two guys used as safety nets. That or incompletions in bunches.
TE
What is there to talk about? This is a TE focused offense with little production from that position. Yes, they’re blocking better and that is exciting and yes, there hasn’t exactly been a ton of opportunity here given our sets and run devotion but there is an opportunity for this to be a large part of our offense specifically in play-action. It just hasn’t been and that should concern you.
Overall
I recognize that I am being pessimistic and possibly overzealous in this review but like most Longhorn fans, I expect dramatic improvement from game to game. The lack of consistent play from all positions makes my eyelids twitch and my cardiologist is tiring of my phone calls. There is a lot of opportunity here and I am optimistic (see, I can be positive) that we have the coaches in place to get us to a point of comfort before season’s end. The Oklahoma State game was a positive sign that we are going in the right direction and that the players are buying in to their respective roles. I love Bryan Harsin. We’ll cover Defense tomorrow. I’m tired.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Texas @ ISU The Aftermath
Texas-37 at Iowa State- 14 The Aftermath AKA So much hope yet so much concern
If you couldn’t find the game, it was on the same channel that produces “The League.” If you just said “What’s the League?” or “I haven’t watched that show yet” then I would suggest that you immediately locate your remote and DVR that mess. All “Thank You’s” that would be sent my way should be diverted to Ben as he turned me on to the show.
Rather than go through the pithy summary, let’s dive right in because this is later than I would like.
The Offense
While I continue to applaud (vigorously, I might add) our creative playcalling, I simply can’t stomach a dedication to a pounding running game that doesn’t produce. That being said, I recognize games in which we struggle to develop yards between the tackles will pay dividends in the future. A lot to learn from this game. Let’s start where it counted (or didn’t) depending on your take:
Offensive Line
David Snow had his best game this season. It’s humorous that after the first two weeks, we were looking at Snow being replaced. I’d call him an enigma but I reserve that word for literal definition. For instance, the Jackalope, and David Snow is no Jackalope. His pulls from the guard position sprung several big runs for both Monroe and Brown and his slide to Center for an injured Dom Espinosa illustrates our ability to move guys around on the line. Haven’t seen that in a while. At least not with success.
Everyone else gets a C-/D grade from me. I recognize that ISU is a physical team. Their D-line is basically BYU without black ties and bicycles or Samoan surnames, but getting knocked back on 58% (yeah, I counted and I was sober) of your run plays is regrettable. Make your case for the “looking ahead to OU” syndrome but either way, I’m not cool with it. ISU stacked the box and dared us to run and when the holes were there, the backs found ‘em (we’ll get to the vision element of our running game later) but when there wasn’t a hole, there was a jailbreak of red jerseys in the backfield. Blame it on scheme. Blame it on development. Put the blame wherever but we need to hear some pads popping up front if we want everyone to believe that we’re physical. You hear me, Mason Walters?
WR
I’m content with our third receiving option being a mystery as long as Mike Davis is exposing zones and Shipley’s race continues to be in question. Seriously, is he really white? No, seriously. When you have those two talents, it’s hard to check to your third option. I keep hearing that Goodwin, Onyegbulelele, Hales, and Harris (when he’s healthy) will be further utilized but when you have the aforementioned talents, it’s hard to progress to option 3 because you know they’re gonna get open. And, if they don’t, there is a tight end chasing dandelions somewhere on the field with nothing but grass between him and a pylon.
The blocking from this group was at par for the third straight game. Ship and Davis have no issues with contact especially when he who opposes played a munchkin in the ISU rendition of “OZ” during the Spring. Staying with the block continues to be a small problem but I’ll take them engaging over the ole’ we’re used to seeing. John Harris is clearly our best blocking option but the concern I have there is that his role was too obvious when he was healthy. We need to get him and others more involved in the passing game because teams like OU will bracket or disguise coverages on Ship and MD. The TE check down won’t always be there. I especially didn’t like the lazy routes in the 2nd half though I loved seeing Jaxon Desmond Shipley wrestle the ball away from a defender down the sideline. It was defended well but Ship had obviously watched “Over the Top” that morning and that was his version of turning the hat around backwards.
QB
Mixed emotions. Like watching a fat girl jog. On the one hand, I mean, good for her. She’s doing something about it. On the other hand, did she really have to wear a tank top? Case McCoy looked exactly like what has been described regarding his practice sessions: Nails on one play followed by a mistake that only the Mack clap can cure. I loved his initial drive and felt that his checks and fakes were perfect but I nearly threw my Maker’s rocks against the wall when he slid a yard short of a first down with only 4th and short awaiting. If Ash is in on that play, he dives head first for a first down and flips off the ISU bench while doing so. He made some solid throws that were great play calls more than they were good reads. The throw still has to be made so I’ll give him that but he misses open receivers due to waiting too long for his initial checks to get free. The sack he took is a perfect example. Davis had a free release in the flat with a shot at the first down but Case didn’t progress to him and it cost us a red zone trip. Hence, the bench. While we’re on that point- Case, you bought into this system just like everyone else so when Ash has the hot hand and is getting snaps, don’t pout like a bitch on the sideline. Yeah dude, that was on TV. We all saw you stare ahead not acknowledging Mack like you were a 15 year-old virgin ignoring your Mom’s insistence on the use of condoms. Don’t be a douche in public. It’s not a good look for us.
Ash played a very good game for the most part but also had his share of miscues. I thought Mack was going to pummel him with a parking cone after he threw to a lineman on the failed screen. He also has a tendency to believe in yards that aren’t there when he pulls the ball down. David, the hole you think you see is as real as the Easter Bunny. I bet you think strippers like you too.
I feel like I’m being too negative here but we play OU next week and if I didn’t approach that game with pessimism, I might experience a sizeable meltdown that could punch the current economic crisis in the ovary. Ash was the clear winner here due to his awareness and ball size. He brought the large cup to the game and for that, I applaud him as does the Delta house. Get ‘em, David. Tell House Mother Anna that Jake and I send our love.
RB
Malcolm Brown gets two dick punches per lineman for this performance but the kid can work with nothing if need be. I found myself saying (out loud several times and it was very annoying to my wife, apparently) “so this is what happens when you have a running back that doesn’t go down on first contact.” The dude gets yards and is always driving forward. Given that he was beaten behind the border like a Guadalajaran runaway, I applaud his effort.
The story was the Fozzy/Monroe show. Fozzy is fireworks from the Wilcat and the vision that he is currently exhibiting is beyond my assumption of his ability. It’s very refreshing and I like that I don’t cringe in fear every time he touches the ball like I used to. It was starting to border Pavlov territory.
When DJ touches the ball, he’s getting 6-9 yards minimum. Bank it. We all knew he was crazy fast but he has the body control of a pot smuggling Waco native that once graced the 40 acres. I don’t remember where it is, exactly, but there is a play where DJ hits the corner and it seems that momentum will take him out of bounds but instead he turns the corner on his toes and picks up and extra 4 yards before being brought down a yard from the sticks. If I’m thankful for two things this week, they are bacon and the fact that DJ plays for us.
Cody Johnson took a punch to the throat on that 4th down play and I blame his misread just as much as I blame the line. Plays break down, Cody. It’s what you do with those plays that makes you a next-level back. I also wasn’t thrilled with his blocking though Berryhill continues to bring the lunch pail every game. When that dude finally touches the ball for a meaningful carry, I’ll slow-clap our rewarding his efforts.
I love that we use Fozzy as a passing option out of the backfield but I would love to see us do the same with Brown. It honestly doesn’t matter if we complete the throw or not. The fact that we show it as an option is likely to give Venables congestive heart failure.
TE
Relatively quiet night for these guys though it was nice to see Jones out there mixing it up on the edge. With eight in the box, you need to trust your tight end to get good push on his end and the battles were won more often than they were lost for this group. We’ll need the entire depth chart against the Sooners as they will be looking to develop edge pressure with extra men set up to rattle our young QBs. If we’re just chucking a guy and releasing, it could be serious problem-leaking septic tank level. But, if we are able to be physical here with disguised releases, Bryan Harsin should win the Broyles award.
All in all a quality effort with a 2nd half yager-bomb hangover. It’s hard to get up for a half of football when the game is all but over and you have visions of poor people wearing red in your head.
Defense and Shitfield Teams
DB
Why wouldn’t I start there given what we witnessed. Gideon and Vacarro are in the Justice League right now. It’s not just the interception but really what they bring to the field on every play. When you can trust that your safeties aren’t playing grab-ass and are actually focused and athletic enough to make plays, it gives you a number of options up front. As much as I’ve mentioned it, I still can’t believe the success of this group given their experience. They lock down, tackle like the dickens (just had to say it) and have the ball skills of a Korea Town “masseuse” specialist. Even with time, Steele (born to be a gay porn star) Jantz seemed actually scared to throw to what seemed to be open receivers because we close too fast. What was expected to be a massive ulcer on our collective stomach has been a welcomed surprise and dare I say it, strength to this point. Most props to Gideon, Vacarro, and Phillips for delivering violent hits.
LB
If you’re not happy with this group due to a lack of sacks, then you’re not really watching the game. What Acho, Hicks, and Robinson provide in pressure, coverage, and run support is exactly what we need. They are playing roles in this scheme and it is a beautiful thing to watch. I’m a little frustrated that KRob seems to find the safety block every time he rushes but he really makes up for it in coverage swallowing up TE’s and daring the QB to throw it to undersized WRs. If you want your receiver on the field next week, you won’t throw it near Robinson because he is likely to make the tackle using the receiver’s own arm that was removed on contact.
Acho is deadly on the jail break rushes from either side. He’s small and quick enough to get by guys but what makes him special is his intelligence. He knows where the blocking angle is and he knows how to avoid it. Having a Nigerian at linebacker is comparable to having a D1 receiver on your co-ed flag team.
Hicks left with an injury that turned out to be nothing and his stats were minimal during play. I still love the violence he brings to every take down but he needs coaching in gap control and tackling at the line. I understand he’s used to seeing smaller scat backs that give to arm tackles but that ain’t gonna cut it against our physical opponents. You gotta bring the wood in space and bring a cinder block behind your back between the tackles. Help will come but simply forcing a cut by the back isn’t ideal at the point of attack.
DL
We played vanilla up front and I don’t mean we used white guys. Hahaha. We’re Texas for God’s sake so we know that squatty, slow white boys don’t cut it up front. The last beasty white dude on the line was Robison and he was only white-ish. When we stunt with the ends, we create confusion and it seemed that Diaz was more concerned with gap creation for the backside group than creating pressure with the front four. It was designed to kill the run which didn’t really work in the middle and that remains a mystery to me. Either we’re getting beat between the tackles or the LBs are getting caught in the flow. It looks like both from my second viewing and that vexes me. I’m very vexed. If we’re going to dictate the OU offense, this has to improve significantly before next week. My money is on this not happening thus forcing Diaz to find new ways to blow up run plays. I expect a lot more Edmond at the MLB spot and zone blitzes designed to force outcuts by tailbacks. Until we can prove that penetration is possible from the front four, we will have to be creative on the attack. I have faith in Diaz as should you. I also have concerns about Randall’s motor and that is giving my angina. Granted, that could be my chicken nachos with Colby cheese.
Special Teams
I’m out of words that could illustrate the dumpster fire that is our kickoff coverage and returns. It’s a hot mess of excrement that reaches Michael Bay movie levels. I will say this- Can we stop kicking to the 35 yard line with a minute to go in the half thus giving the opposing offense an option of scoring points? Jesus, Mack, we’re lucky to get a guy down before he gets to the 30 on regular kickoffs. What makes you think that we’re going to stop a guy from getting 12 yards when we kick short?
Overall, it was a good half of play that secured a win in a game that I circled before the season as a potential trap game. It became more of a concern as the Cyclones showed brawn in their first few games. I love that we took it to them early but we left too many points on the field for me to walk away completely satisfied. Still, we’re 4-0 headed into the biggest game of the season. Hook ‘Em and God Bless America.
If you couldn’t find the game, it was on the same channel that produces “The League.” If you just said “What’s the League?” or “I haven’t watched that show yet” then I would suggest that you immediately locate your remote and DVR that mess. All “Thank You’s” that would be sent my way should be diverted to Ben as he turned me on to the show.
Rather than go through the pithy summary, let’s dive right in because this is later than I would like.
The Offense
While I continue to applaud (vigorously, I might add) our creative playcalling, I simply can’t stomach a dedication to a pounding running game that doesn’t produce. That being said, I recognize games in which we struggle to develop yards between the tackles will pay dividends in the future. A lot to learn from this game. Let’s start where it counted (or didn’t) depending on your take:
Offensive Line
David Snow had his best game this season. It’s humorous that after the first two weeks, we were looking at Snow being replaced. I’d call him an enigma but I reserve that word for literal definition. For instance, the Jackalope, and David Snow is no Jackalope. His pulls from the guard position sprung several big runs for both Monroe and Brown and his slide to Center for an injured Dom Espinosa illustrates our ability to move guys around on the line. Haven’t seen that in a while. At least not with success.
Everyone else gets a C-/D grade from me. I recognize that ISU is a physical team. Their D-line is basically BYU without black ties and bicycles or Samoan surnames, but getting knocked back on 58% (yeah, I counted and I was sober) of your run plays is regrettable. Make your case for the “looking ahead to OU” syndrome but either way, I’m not cool with it. ISU stacked the box and dared us to run and when the holes were there, the backs found ‘em (we’ll get to the vision element of our running game later) but when there wasn’t a hole, there was a jailbreak of red jerseys in the backfield. Blame it on scheme. Blame it on development. Put the blame wherever but we need to hear some pads popping up front if we want everyone to believe that we’re physical. You hear me, Mason Walters?
WR
I’m content with our third receiving option being a mystery as long as Mike Davis is exposing zones and Shipley’s race continues to be in question. Seriously, is he really white? No, seriously. When you have those two talents, it’s hard to check to your third option. I keep hearing that Goodwin, Onyegbulelele, Hales, and Harris (when he’s healthy) will be further utilized but when you have the aforementioned talents, it’s hard to progress to option 3 because you know they’re gonna get open. And, if they don’t, there is a tight end chasing dandelions somewhere on the field with nothing but grass between him and a pylon.
The blocking from this group was at par for the third straight game. Ship and Davis have no issues with contact especially when he who opposes played a munchkin in the ISU rendition of “OZ” during the Spring. Staying with the block continues to be a small problem but I’ll take them engaging over the ole’ we’re used to seeing. John Harris is clearly our best blocking option but the concern I have there is that his role was too obvious when he was healthy. We need to get him and others more involved in the passing game because teams like OU will bracket or disguise coverages on Ship and MD. The TE check down won’t always be there. I especially didn’t like the lazy routes in the 2nd half though I loved seeing Jaxon Desmond Shipley wrestle the ball away from a defender down the sideline. It was defended well but Ship had obviously watched “Over the Top” that morning and that was his version of turning the hat around backwards.
QB
Mixed emotions. Like watching a fat girl jog. On the one hand, I mean, good for her. She’s doing something about it. On the other hand, did she really have to wear a tank top? Case McCoy looked exactly like what has been described regarding his practice sessions: Nails on one play followed by a mistake that only the Mack clap can cure. I loved his initial drive and felt that his checks and fakes were perfect but I nearly threw my Maker’s rocks against the wall when he slid a yard short of a first down with only 4th and short awaiting. If Ash is in on that play, he dives head first for a first down and flips off the ISU bench while doing so. He made some solid throws that were great play calls more than they were good reads. The throw still has to be made so I’ll give him that but he misses open receivers due to waiting too long for his initial checks to get free. The sack he took is a perfect example. Davis had a free release in the flat with a shot at the first down but Case didn’t progress to him and it cost us a red zone trip. Hence, the bench. While we’re on that point- Case, you bought into this system just like everyone else so when Ash has the hot hand and is getting snaps, don’t pout like a bitch on the sideline. Yeah dude, that was on TV. We all saw you stare ahead not acknowledging Mack like you were a 15 year-old virgin ignoring your Mom’s insistence on the use of condoms. Don’t be a douche in public. It’s not a good look for us.
Ash played a very good game for the most part but also had his share of miscues. I thought Mack was going to pummel him with a parking cone after he threw to a lineman on the failed screen. He also has a tendency to believe in yards that aren’t there when he pulls the ball down. David, the hole you think you see is as real as the Easter Bunny. I bet you think strippers like you too.
I feel like I’m being too negative here but we play OU next week and if I didn’t approach that game with pessimism, I might experience a sizeable meltdown that could punch the current economic crisis in the ovary. Ash was the clear winner here due to his awareness and ball size. He brought the large cup to the game and for that, I applaud him as does the Delta house. Get ‘em, David. Tell House Mother Anna that Jake and I send our love.
RB
Malcolm Brown gets two dick punches per lineman for this performance but the kid can work with nothing if need be. I found myself saying (out loud several times and it was very annoying to my wife, apparently) “so this is what happens when you have a running back that doesn’t go down on first contact.” The dude gets yards and is always driving forward. Given that he was beaten behind the border like a Guadalajaran runaway, I applaud his effort.
The story was the Fozzy/Monroe show. Fozzy is fireworks from the Wilcat and the vision that he is currently exhibiting is beyond my assumption of his ability. It’s very refreshing and I like that I don’t cringe in fear every time he touches the ball like I used to. It was starting to border Pavlov territory.
When DJ touches the ball, he’s getting 6-9 yards minimum. Bank it. We all knew he was crazy fast but he has the body control of a pot smuggling Waco native that once graced the 40 acres. I don’t remember where it is, exactly, but there is a play where DJ hits the corner and it seems that momentum will take him out of bounds but instead he turns the corner on his toes and picks up and extra 4 yards before being brought down a yard from the sticks. If I’m thankful for two things this week, they are bacon and the fact that DJ plays for us.
Cody Johnson took a punch to the throat on that 4th down play and I blame his misread just as much as I blame the line. Plays break down, Cody. It’s what you do with those plays that makes you a next-level back. I also wasn’t thrilled with his blocking though Berryhill continues to bring the lunch pail every game. When that dude finally touches the ball for a meaningful carry, I’ll slow-clap our rewarding his efforts.
I love that we use Fozzy as a passing option out of the backfield but I would love to see us do the same with Brown. It honestly doesn’t matter if we complete the throw or not. The fact that we show it as an option is likely to give Venables congestive heart failure.
TE
Relatively quiet night for these guys though it was nice to see Jones out there mixing it up on the edge. With eight in the box, you need to trust your tight end to get good push on his end and the battles were won more often than they were lost for this group. We’ll need the entire depth chart against the Sooners as they will be looking to develop edge pressure with extra men set up to rattle our young QBs. If we’re just chucking a guy and releasing, it could be serious problem-leaking septic tank level. But, if we are able to be physical here with disguised releases, Bryan Harsin should win the Broyles award.
All in all a quality effort with a 2nd half yager-bomb hangover. It’s hard to get up for a half of football when the game is all but over and you have visions of poor people wearing red in your head.
Defense and Shitfield Teams
DB
Why wouldn’t I start there given what we witnessed. Gideon and Vacarro are in the Justice League right now. It’s not just the interception but really what they bring to the field on every play. When you can trust that your safeties aren’t playing grab-ass and are actually focused and athletic enough to make plays, it gives you a number of options up front. As much as I’ve mentioned it, I still can’t believe the success of this group given their experience. They lock down, tackle like the dickens (just had to say it) and have the ball skills of a Korea Town “masseuse” specialist. Even with time, Steele (born to be a gay porn star) Jantz seemed actually scared to throw to what seemed to be open receivers because we close too fast. What was expected to be a massive ulcer on our collective stomach has been a welcomed surprise and dare I say it, strength to this point. Most props to Gideon, Vacarro, and Phillips for delivering violent hits.
LB
If you’re not happy with this group due to a lack of sacks, then you’re not really watching the game. What Acho, Hicks, and Robinson provide in pressure, coverage, and run support is exactly what we need. They are playing roles in this scheme and it is a beautiful thing to watch. I’m a little frustrated that KRob seems to find the safety block every time he rushes but he really makes up for it in coverage swallowing up TE’s and daring the QB to throw it to undersized WRs. If you want your receiver on the field next week, you won’t throw it near Robinson because he is likely to make the tackle using the receiver’s own arm that was removed on contact.
Acho is deadly on the jail break rushes from either side. He’s small and quick enough to get by guys but what makes him special is his intelligence. He knows where the blocking angle is and he knows how to avoid it. Having a Nigerian at linebacker is comparable to having a D1 receiver on your co-ed flag team.
Hicks left with an injury that turned out to be nothing and his stats were minimal during play. I still love the violence he brings to every take down but he needs coaching in gap control and tackling at the line. I understand he’s used to seeing smaller scat backs that give to arm tackles but that ain’t gonna cut it against our physical opponents. You gotta bring the wood in space and bring a cinder block behind your back between the tackles. Help will come but simply forcing a cut by the back isn’t ideal at the point of attack.
DL
We played vanilla up front and I don’t mean we used white guys. Hahaha. We’re Texas for God’s sake so we know that squatty, slow white boys don’t cut it up front. The last beasty white dude on the line was Robison and he was only white-ish. When we stunt with the ends, we create confusion and it seemed that Diaz was more concerned with gap creation for the backside group than creating pressure with the front four. It was designed to kill the run which didn’t really work in the middle and that remains a mystery to me. Either we’re getting beat between the tackles or the LBs are getting caught in the flow. It looks like both from my second viewing and that vexes me. I’m very vexed. If we’re going to dictate the OU offense, this has to improve significantly before next week. My money is on this not happening thus forcing Diaz to find new ways to blow up run plays. I expect a lot more Edmond at the MLB spot and zone blitzes designed to force outcuts by tailbacks. Until we can prove that penetration is possible from the front four, we will have to be creative on the attack. I have faith in Diaz as should you. I also have concerns about Randall’s motor and that is giving my angina. Granted, that could be my chicken nachos with Colby cheese.
Special Teams
I’m out of words that could illustrate the dumpster fire that is our kickoff coverage and returns. It’s a hot mess of excrement that reaches Michael Bay movie levels. I will say this- Can we stop kicking to the 35 yard line with a minute to go in the half thus giving the opposing offense an option of scoring points? Jesus, Mack, we’re lucky to get a guy down before he gets to the 30 on regular kickoffs. What makes you think that we’re going to stop a guy from getting 12 yards when we kick short?
Overall, it was a good half of play that secured a win in a game that I circled before the season as a potential trap game. It became more of a concern as the Cyclones showed brawn in their first few games. I love that we took it to them early but we left too many points on the field for me to walk away completely satisfied. Still, we’re 4-0 headed into the biggest game of the season. Hook ‘Em and God Bless America.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Highball / Lowbrow [9/29/11]
How ‘bout that for a title? Seems fitting. In the spirit of full disclosure, it came to me on the toilet (like many of modern man’s great ideas). Appropriate, given my potty mouth here on GP. Seems it’s doubly-fitting, then. Double… the deuce… Ah, the circle of life. Hakuna Matata, bitches!
Without further ado, I present this week’s 10-some…
10) Marquise Goodwin. So, Andrew Abbott, at last we meet again for the first time for the last time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7xj6eYBMn0. You lost your Lord Helmet there, Andrew.
9) OSU vs. A&M: A Tale of Two Halves. This was my first extended look at either team this year, and I’ve gotta say I came away thoroughly… confused. The Cowboys looked like poor, defenseless (literally) sheep in the KC truck lights in the first half, and the Aggies had their way with them. It was ugly. Then, Mike Gundy pulled Heisman-hopeful(?) QB Brandon Weeden aside at halftime and was heard to say, “That first half was GARBAGE!... You and me, we’re men! WE’RE 40!!!” An inspired Weeden emerged in the 2nd half. Justin Blackmon still couldn’t run a decent route, but it didn’t matter. Ok State picked off pass after pass and imposed their will on the Aggies, who embarrassed themselves – more than usual – in front of the 12th Man. So, what did we learn in this game? No, seriously, what did we learn?
8) Excuse the Star Wars Reference. We may have lost him to the dark side, but I still have a soft spot in my heart for Will Muschamp. How can you not appreciate exchanges with the media like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Gp7ckbHsMw?... And really intense stares on really creepy media guide covers like this: http://www.saturdaydownsouth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/gatormediaguide.jpg?... And, most of all, bloody sideline antics like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ_eN-kUBXI? A part of me died on 12/11/10, but Muschamp’s departure set off a necessary chain of events that has positively transformed the Texas coaching staff and program.
7) Texas Rangers. Who thought the Rangers would be better this year without Cliff Lee? A night after being eliminated from the playoffs, the Angels got Napolized on Wednesday. As a result, the Rangers not only set a new franchise record with 96 wins but stayed one game ahead of the Tigers to secure home-field advantage in the ALDS. Their opponent? The Rays, who overcame a 7-run deficit to defeat the damn dirty Yankees 8-7 on an Evan Longoria walk-off HR in the 12th inning Wednesday night (his second of the game). CJ “Please don’t sign with the Yankees next year” Wilson will start game 1 on Friday, and Derek Holland will start game 2 on Saturday. The Red Sox will watch from home, having blown an MLB record-setting 9-game lead in the AL Wild Card race. Suck it, BoSox… Suck it wicked had (that’s “hard” in Neanderthal).
6) Steve Bartman. I grew up a huge Phillies fan and later became an even bigger Rangers fan… but I’ve always been a Cubbies fan, too. Harry Caray and the hum of the “Friendly Confines” was a big part of the soundtrack of my youth, because WGN followed me wherever we moved. When I finally went to my first game at Wrigley, it was spiritual. Chicago is just a special place – my favorite big city. I remember watching game 6 of the ALCS in 2003. I remember the Steve Bartman incident and Moises Alou blowing a gasket in left field. But, after watching “Catching Hell” on ESPN the other night, I realized how easily I’d forgotten or repressed so much of the remainder of that game and series. Like Mark Prior’s wild pitch, the sure-handed Alex Gonzalez booting a groundball to extend that fateful 8th inning, the rest of the eight runs the Marlins scored that night. Shit, game 7 altogether. Spoiler Alert: They never interview Bartman in the film, but it’s a fascinating, introspective, DVR-worthy journey, nonetheless. I’m a big-time sucker for ESPN Films… Although I’ll likely skip the upcoming film “Renee” about the he-she tennis player, bless his/her heart.
5) Jermichael Finley. One thing’s for sure, Jermichael is a man. He was the man for the Packers on Sunday against the Bears, hauling in seven catches for 85 yards and three TDs. (Sorry, Chicago.) With Finley’s emergence in the NFL, it’s hard not to daydream about what could have been if he’d stuck around campus longer. DJ Grant is providing a glimpse, and the sky’s the limit if the TE position continues its resurgence in the Texas offense.
4) Antonio Romo. Tony Romo read my last post, rushed into a telephone booth and emerged as Antonio Romo (“Man of Kevlar”?) Monday night. Like Clark Kent, Tony is a putz… but his alter ego is supremely heroic. Aided by the Redskins allegedly tampering with Antonio’s snap count, rookie center Phil Costa thrice did his best Lex Luthor impersonation to no avail. DeMarcus Ware recorded only one sack and was abused on most plays, but the Redskins couldn’t avoid Sean Lee – recently named NFC Defensive Player of the Month (unbelievably, a first in Cowboys history) with 36 tackles, two fumble recoveries, three passes broken up and two interceptions in two games – and Anthony Spencer, who called the fumble he forced to end Rexy’s not-so-sexy comeback attempt in the game’s closing minute. Guess who recovered the fumble – Sean Lee. I struggle to say that the Cowboys have finally found their kicker, but rookie Dan Bailey’s six field goals on MNF certainly serve as a strong opening statement to the case he’s building. Unfortunately, it will take more than that this Sunday. Like General Zod (http://www.getthebigpicture.net/storage/joel/general-zod.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1298770950364) and his Planet Krypton criminal cast-offs, the 3-0 (WTF!?!) Detroit Lions will descend ominously upon Jerry World. Matt Stafford and Calvin Johnson should have a field day with our banged-up DBs, and Suh and the Lions D should provide a truer test for Antonio’s ribs and his patience with his backup receivers (who should know the offense but inexcusably do not). I can only hope that Romo finds his inner Fortress of Solitude, makes the Lions his Lois Lane and leads the Cowboys to another W.
3) Longhorns QBs. We’ve got Case McCoy (clearly option 1A after the UCLA game), David Ash (option 1B) and John Pink Floyd (a walk-on). Wish You Were Here, Connor Wood. I wasn’t hoping to see Gilbert again this year but took a wee bit of comfort knowing he was available, if needed. Dude can sling it – We just ruined his mind last year (and his shoulder vs. Rice, apparently). He seems pretty content, happier even, in a ballcap with a clipboard on the sideline… but my money is on him transferring, if he can medical redshirt. It’s in his best interest. Anyways, am I the only one that’s really, really uncomfortable with our situation? The Longhorn team that lives by the McCoy-Ash tandem equally exposes itself to dying by it. As both quarterbacks and the rest of the Horns continue to mature and improve, it will be interesting to see if we start relying less on a QB-by-committee approach and settle into something more traditional.
2) And it’s goodbye to A&M. I’m going to try to keep this on a middle school reading level and be as brief, balanced and respectful as possible. Please don’t mistake that for a lack of education or opinion on the matter. It’s just exhausting, otherwise... I’ve long contended that the Aggies saved the Big 12 a year ago. I also contend that they, not Nebraska or Colorado (or Texas), nearly killed it more recently. Ironically, by way of a subsequent series of complicated events and dealings, the Longhorn Network will allow the Big 12 to be saved. Neither it nor Texas, however, will save it. That will be up to the very capable Chuck Neinas and ALL of the remaining conference members. The Big 12 is a good thing – seriously – and we will be fine without A&M. I hope they enjoy the SEC… and that they wear their big boy pants to all the Big 12 stadiums they visit from here on out.
1) Iowa State Prediction. As if I needed to get more psyched out, Nik informed me this morning that Gus Johnson will call the game in Ames this weekend. Oh my goodness! I got excited on a, well, Gus Johnson level. I see Texas 34, Iowa State 23, which is more than I’d like to credit to an offense led by “Steele Jantz”(sounds more like a catcher than a quarterback, if you know what I mean). The UCLA game proved that I was onto something with my premonition after BYU, but the Cyclones are better than the Bruins. I see big things out of Keenan Robinson and Kenny Vaccaro on D and a continuation of JaXXon© Shipley’s coming-out party (just an expression, Steele) and Fozzy’s situational genius on O. Hook ‘em!
Without further ado, I present this week’s 10-some…
10) Marquise Goodwin. So, Andrew Abbott, at last we meet again for the first time for the last time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7xj6eYBMn0. You lost your Lord Helmet there, Andrew.
9) OSU vs. A&M: A Tale of Two Halves. This was my first extended look at either team this year, and I’ve gotta say I came away thoroughly… confused. The Cowboys looked like poor, defenseless (literally) sheep in the KC truck lights in the first half, and the Aggies had their way with them. It was ugly. Then, Mike Gundy pulled Heisman-hopeful(?) QB Brandon Weeden aside at halftime and was heard to say, “That first half was GARBAGE!... You and me, we’re men! WE’RE 40!!!” An inspired Weeden emerged in the 2nd half. Justin Blackmon still couldn’t run a decent route, but it didn’t matter. Ok State picked off pass after pass and imposed their will on the Aggies, who embarrassed themselves – more than usual – in front of the 12th Man. So, what did we learn in this game? No, seriously, what did we learn?
8) Excuse the Star Wars Reference. We may have lost him to the dark side, but I still have a soft spot in my heart for Will Muschamp. How can you not appreciate exchanges with the media like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Gp7ckbHsMw?... And really intense stares on really creepy media guide covers like this: http://www.saturdaydownsouth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/gatormediaguide.jpg?... And, most of all, bloody sideline antics like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ_eN-kUBXI? A part of me died on 12/11/10, but Muschamp’s departure set off a necessary chain of events that has positively transformed the Texas coaching staff and program.
7) Texas Rangers. Who thought the Rangers would be better this year without Cliff Lee? A night after being eliminated from the playoffs, the Angels got Napolized on Wednesday. As a result, the Rangers not only set a new franchise record with 96 wins but stayed one game ahead of the Tigers to secure home-field advantage in the ALDS. Their opponent? The Rays, who overcame a 7-run deficit to defeat the damn dirty Yankees 8-7 on an Evan Longoria walk-off HR in the 12th inning Wednesday night (his second of the game). CJ “Please don’t sign with the Yankees next year” Wilson will start game 1 on Friday, and Derek Holland will start game 2 on Saturday. The Red Sox will watch from home, having blown an MLB record-setting 9-game lead in the AL Wild Card race. Suck it, BoSox… Suck it wicked had (that’s “hard” in Neanderthal).
6) Steve Bartman. I grew up a huge Phillies fan and later became an even bigger Rangers fan… but I’ve always been a Cubbies fan, too. Harry Caray and the hum of the “Friendly Confines” was a big part of the soundtrack of my youth, because WGN followed me wherever we moved. When I finally went to my first game at Wrigley, it was spiritual. Chicago is just a special place – my favorite big city. I remember watching game 6 of the ALCS in 2003. I remember the Steve Bartman incident and Moises Alou blowing a gasket in left field. But, after watching “Catching Hell” on ESPN the other night, I realized how easily I’d forgotten or repressed so much of the remainder of that game and series. Like Mark Prior’s wild pitch, the sure-handed Alex Gonzalez booting a groundball to extend that fateful 8th inning, the rest of the eight runs the Marlins scored that night. Shit, game 7 altogether. Spoiler Alert: They never interview Bartman in the film, but it’s a fascinating, introspective, DVR-worthy journey, nonetheless. I’m a big-time sucker for ESPN Films… Although I’ll likely skip the upcoming film “Renee” about the he-she tennis player, bless his/her heart.
5) Jermichael Finley. One thing’s for sure, Jermichael is a man. He was the man for the Packers on Sunday against the Bears, hauling in seven catches for 85 yards and three TDs. (Sorry, Chicago.) With Finley’s emergence in the NFL, it’s hard not to daydream about what could have been if he’d stuck around campus longer. DJ Grant is providing a glimpse, and the sky’s the limit if the TE position continues its resurgence in the Texas offense.
4) Antonio Romo. Tony Romo read my last post, rushed into a telephone booth and emerged as Antonio Romo (“Man of Kevlar”?) Monday night. Like Clark Kent, Tony is a putz… but his alter ego is supremely heroic. Aided by the Redskins allegedly tampering with Antonio’s snap count, rookie center Phil Costa thrice did his best Lex Luthor impersonation to no avail. DeMarcus Ware recorded only one sack and was abused on most plays, but the Redskins couldn’t avoid Sean Lee – recently named NFC Defensive Player of the Month (unbelievably, a first in Cowboys history) with 36 tackles, two fumble recoveries, three passes broken up and two interceptions in two games – and Anthony Spencer, who called the fumble he forced to end Rexy’s not-so-sexy comeback attempt in the game’s closing minute. Guess who recovered the fumble – Sean Lee. I struggle to say that the Cowboys have finally found their kicker, but rookie Dan Bailey’s six field goals on MNF certainly serve as a strong opening statement to the case he’s building. Unfortunately, it will take more than that this Sunday. Like General Zod (http://www.getthebigpicture.net/storage/joel/general-zod.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1298770950364) and his Planet Krypton criminal cast-offs, the 3-0 (WTF!?!) Detroit Lions will descend ominously upon Jerry World. Matt Stafford and Calvin Johnson should have a field day with our banged-up DBs, and Suh and the Lions D should provide a truer test for Antonio’s ribs and his patience with his backup receivers (who should know the offense but inexcusably do not). I can only hope that Romo finds his inner Fortress of Solitude, makes the Lions his Lois Lane and leads the Cowboys to another W.
3) Longhorns QBs. We’ve got Case McCoy (clearly option 1A after the UCLA game), David Ash (option 1B) and John Pink Floyd (a walk-on). Wish You Were Here, Connor Wood. I wasn’t hoping to see Gilbert again this year but took a wee bit of comfort knowing he was available, if needed. Dude can sling it – We just ruined his mind last year (and his shoulder vs. Rice, apparently). He seems pretty content, happier even, in a ballcap with a clipboard on the sideline… but my money is on him transferring, if he can medical redshirt. It’s in his best interest. Anyways, am I the only one that’s really, really uncomfortable with our situation? The Longhorn team that lives by the McCoy-Ash tandem equally exposes itself to dying by it. As both quarterbacks and the rest of the Horns continue to mature and improve, it will be interesting to see if we start relying less on a QB-by-committee approach and settle into something more traditional.
2) And it’s goodbye to A&M. I’m going to try to keep this on a middle school reading level and be as brief, balanced and respectful as possible. Please don’t mistake that for a lack of education or opinion on the matter. It’s just exhausting, otherwise... I’ve long contended that the Aggies saved the Big 12 a year ago. I also contend that they, not Nebraska or Colorado (or Texas), nearly killed it more recently. Ironically, by way of a subsequent series of complicated events and dealings, the Longhorn Network will allow the Big 12 to be saved. Neither it nor Texas, however, will save it. That will be up to the very capable Chuck Neinas and ALL of the remaining conference members. The Big 12 is a good thing – seriously – and we will be fine without A&M. I hope they enjoy the SEC… and that they wear their big boy pants to all the Big 12 stadiums they visit from here on out.
1) Iowa State Prediction. As if I needed to get more psyched out, Nik informed me this morning that Gus Johnson will call the game in Ames this weekend. Oh my goodness! I got excited on a, well, Gus Johnson level. I see Texas 34, Iowa State 23, which is more than I’d like to credit to an offense led by “Steele Jantz”(sounds more like a catcher than a quarterback, if you know what I mean). The UCLA game proved that I was onto something with my premonition after BYU, but the Cyclones are better than the Bruins. I see big things out of Keenan Robinson and Kenny Vaccaro on D and a continuation of JaXXon© Shipley’s coming-out party (just an expression, Steele) and Fozzy’s situational genius on O. Hook ‘em!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The Week that Was
I need to first admit that I saw very little college football this weekend. Mrs. GP and I were playing host to a gaggle of her friends and their husbands. With it being everyone’s first trip to Austin, I was tasked as Tour Guide for the weekend. However, I avoided the inevitable food coma from Juan in a Million and Hula Hut and was able to watch the midday juggernauts while everyone else grabbed a nap…rookies. This post is devoted to Maker’s Mark which helped through any potential digestive issues Saturday. It cures sticking ribs and general lameness.
Seen and Not seen
Oklahoma State at Texas A&M- SEEN. From the 2nd quarter on, anyway but I listened to the first part of the game in the car on the way home. The wife was a little perplexed that I would listen to an Aggie radio broadcast over the radio but I was in serious need of score updates and for my 21 month-old son to keep his nap going. If the Aggie broadcasters don’t put you to sleep, nothing will. These guys are a Nyquil and Cognac cocktail AKA “Dream Weaver”-patent pending. The Maroon meltdown and subsequent Aggie bitching fest were everything I could have possibly asked for. Up 20-3 at halftime, I, like others including Mike Sherman, felt the game was over, dead. The Aggies had shown us that they weren’t f’n around this time. It was on in College Station. And then this happened: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rKQ4QdB8P0&feature=related followed by this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgO42MxPHe8&feature=related. I can only imagine the WTF looks on the collective Aggie faces. Mike Gundy’s locker room booty dance says it all. He’s a man and he has swagger.
Arkansas at Alabama- SEEN. Sort of. I was switching back and forth with Ags/Cowboys and Clemson/FSU. I just knew that the early struggles for both teams would bode well for Bama more so than for the Pigs. Bottom line is Bama’s defense is as bankable as a woman’s distaste for a Hooter’s calendar. They will find a way to shut down even the most prolific offense and have the ability to put the game in prison-bitch mode. They allow something like 2.4 yards per play. That’s crazy, yo. It will be interesting to see what they do against Florida’s speed but my money would be on the Tide even in the Swamp.
Florida State at Clemson- SEEN. Also in small doses but I saw enough to believe in Clemson and temper my thoughts on FSU. The Noles are a one-trick pony on offense while Clemson has some serious playmakers on both sides of the ball. They have the usual Clemson SEC speed and SEC intelligence meaning that they will make one great athletic play followed by some crucial mistake akin to renting a 4 cylinder for Mountain driving. While the Tigers are ace at home, they are a bag of assholes on the road so I won’t call my shot here and say that they beat VT in Blacksburg.
LSU at West Virginia- Not Seen. I saw two plays in the bar at County Line while waiting for our table. Both LSU touchdowns. I laughed as I sipped my Shiner. I had the rib, sausage, brisket combo because I know you were wondering. Paired with CL bread, it’s the perfect base to put down before a night downtown. Otherwise, Flaming DPs at Touche’s would be battery acid. I really don’t understand the reasoning behind the WVU craze. They were given a ton of credit for struggling with but ultimately beating a TERRIBLE Maryland team. I get that Holgorsen’s drunken monkey offense has shades of Mike Leach and that they are fun to watch but I don’t consider them a really good football team. That being said, LSU is very impressive and I can’t wait to watch the remainder of their SEC season.
USC at Arizona State- Missed it as at this point, I was at Thirsty Nickel enjoying the polarizing sounds of Guilty Pleasures. I only include this game because it aided in illustrating the Pac 12’s lack of validity outside of Oregon and I had a couple of USC fans with me who I should have publicly vilified but neglected that opportunity. My bad. Looking at the box score, it seems that the Fighting Baby Retardants proved what we knew- They’re not good or at least not motivated. Arizona State actually beat a team from California under Erickson. I hope Hell is enjoying their early Winter.
There were good games this past weekend but even better ones this Saturday. More on that later.
I need to first admit that I saw very little college football this weekend. Mrs. GP and I were playing host to a gaggle of her friends and their husbands. With it being everyone’s first trip to Austin, I was tasked as Tour Guide for the weekend. However, I avoided the inevitable food coma from Juan in a Million and Hula Hut and was able to watch the midday juggernauts while everyone else grabbed a nap…rookies. This post is devoted to Maker’s Mark which helped through any potential digestive issues Saturday. It cures sticking ribs and general lameness.
Seen and Not seen
Oklahoma State at Texas A&M- SEEN. From the 2nd quarter on, anyway but I listened to the first part of the game in the car on the way home. The wife was a little perplexed that I would listen to an Aggie radio broadcast over the radio but I was in serious need of score updates and for my 21 month-old son to keep his nap going. If the Aggie broadcasters don’t put you to sleep, nothing will. These guys are a Nyquil and Cognac cocktail AKA “Dream Weaver”-patent pending. The Maroon meltdown and subsequent Aggie bitching fest were everything I could have possibly asked for. Up 20-3 at halftime, I, like others including Mike Sherman, felt the game was over, dead. The Aggies had shown us that they weren’t f’n around this time. It was on in College Station. And then this happened: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rKQ4QdB8P0&feature=related followed by this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgO42MxPHe8&feature=related. I can only imagine the WTF looks on the collective Aggie faces. Mike Gundy’s locker room booty dance says it all. He’s a man and he has swagger.
Arkansas at Alabama- SEEN. Sort of. I was switching back and forth with Ags/Cowboys and Clemson/FSU. I just knew that the early struggles for both teams would bode well for Bama more so than for the Pigs. Bottom line is Bama’s defense is as bankable as a woman’s distaste for a Hooter’s calendar. They will find a way to shut down even the most prolific offense and have the ability to put the game in prison-bitch mode. They allow something like 2.4 yards per play. That’s crazy, yo. It will be interesting to see what they do against Florida’s speed but my money would be on the Tide even in the Swamp.
Florida State at Clemson- SEEN. Also in small doses but I saw enough to believe in Clemson and temper my thoughts on FSU. The Noles are a one-trick pony on offense while Clemson has some serious playmakers on both sides of the ball. They have the usual Clemson SEC speed and SEC intelligence meaning that they will make one great athletic play followed by some crucial mistake akin to renting a 4 cylinder for Mountain driving. While the Tigers are ace at home, they are a bag of assholes on the road so I won’t call my shot here and say that they beat VT in Blacksburg.
LSU at West Virginia- Not Seen. I saw two plays in the bar at County Line while waiting for our table. Both LSU touchdowns. I laughed as I sipped my Shiner. I had the rib, sausage, brisket combo because I know you were wondering. Paired with CL bread, it’s the perfect base to put down before a night downtown. Otherwise, Flaming DPs at Touche’s would be battery acid. I really don’t understand the reasoning behind the WVU craze. They were given a ton of credit for struggling with but ultimately beating a TERRIBLE Maryland team. I get that Holgorsen’s drunken monkey offense has shades of Mike Leach and that they are fun to watch but I don’t consider them a really good football team. That being said, LSU is very impressive and I can’t wait to watch the remainder of their SEC season.
USC at Arizona State- Missed it as at this point, I was at Thirsty Nickel enjoying the polarizing sounds of Guilty Pleasures. I only include this game because it aided in illustrating the Pac 12’s lack of validity outside of Oregon and I had a couple of USC fans with me who I should have publicly vilified but neglected that opportunity. My bad. Looking at the box score, it seems that the Fighting Baby Retardants proved what we knew- They’re not good or at least not motivated. Arizona State actually beat a team from California under Erickson. I hope Hell is enjoying their early Winter.
There were good games this past weekend but even better ones this Saturday. More on that later.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
UCLA Post Game
Texas- 49 UCLA- 20 AKA The Aftermath of Bloodbath
It feels pretty good to be a Longhorn right now (eventual conference match-up with likes of Arizona and Washington State withstanding). I don’t usually take in away games anywhere other than my living room but Ben’s is an ideal place to cheer on the Horns. Ben is a True Orange Blood and yells at the screen as much as I do. He never allows my ice cubes to get dry and I love that about him. Being surrounded by other Burnt Orange-clad maniacs was also a good time which isn’t always the case. Cake, Johnny Mance Haynes (this is the dude’s real name. Amazing, right?), and JMH’s brother (I forgot your name when you asked about the Tech score), I look forward to many more viewing parties that include multiple Maker’s shots and victory cigars. We’re classy but not frilly. Take notes.
Offense- Look, a running game!
QB
We have to start with the biggest question going into the game. We’d gathered that running the ball was going to be the focal point and passing would be set up by our ability to get yards on the ground. It’s a scary thought but if it works, it serves as an amazing game plan. Granted, this requires a QB that is confident in his ability to execute his end of the bargain. A notion that Gilbert was never comfortable with given that his confidence seems to scheduled on a menstrual cycle. I questioned the started nod being given to Case as I was lead to believe that Ash was our true #2 in both ability and teammate votes. I was wrong. Given the situation we’re in- Lacking a true leader on offense and more freshmen than a Tri Delt panty raid- it is imperative that we play the guy that the team will respond to and rally around. Case is it as leader and confidence seem to be his guiding intangibles. Reminds me a little of another dude who once played here and was scorned early on for having a noodle for an arm. Case’s is more like a string bean but he makes the right decisions and is DaVinci when the play breaks down. It’s a refreshing feeling to have a guy behind Center who has the attitude that he won’t let us fail. I’ll take 12-15-168-2-0. They aren’t glaring numbers but if you watched the game then you know that hidden in those numbers is a leadership quality that GG simply lacks. Some guys have it, some guys don’t. Some guys drive to work, some guys get driven listening to Led Zeppelin IV while getting a blowie from the Mrs. And sipping on a heavy handed Old Fashioned. I’m just sayin’.
Ash is going to be special but it’s obvious that we’re obvious when he’s in the game. Does that sound right? Only once did he fake the Bruin D out with a fake zone read and toss to Ship for a 1st down. Plays like that are being set up by his obviousness but until we show that he is truly a substitute for McCoy rather than pace change, his snaps will be limited. He did hit on all three passes he threw so you gotta enjoy that. His shortcomings aren’t his fault right now. It’s based on scheme and opening up his mind. Time for Harsin to take him to a SoCal desert and introduce him to Chief Mushahaha.
RB
50-284-4 TD’s at 5.7 a clip is something we haven’t seen on the Forty Acres in quite some time. It’s also enough to cause me to molest the stat sheet. It was physical and emotional. I was firm but gentle. Malcolm Brown is the answer as the starter. I slow clapped after a five yard gain when he broke two tackles (one in the backfield) and feel forward trying to stretch for six. You can’t teach it. It’s innate. Like speed or the fact that all African Americans have rhythm. He is Thunder and Fozzy is the inevitable rainfall. Having someone as versatile as Fozzy is your back pocket for Wildcat packages in the red zone and on 3rd down is playing with house money. Fozzy is fast but glass when over utilized. He was constantly injured because we were asking him to take hits from linebackers rather than DB’s. Those days are dead and with them, 2nd and 9. DJ and Goodwin on speed sweeps and reverses makes Will Muschamp vomit and Greg Davis realize how out of the game he really was. Bringing in Bergeron to punish a tired D in the fourth quarter is just mean. I’m a big fan of this rushing attack. We are complex and unpredictable and shit! We’re only scratching the surface.
WR
Jaxon Shipley rides a dream dragon made from Napalm and Four Loko. I love that even Bob (sucks at life) Davie can call out Ship as the target on third down and he still gets open to turn 3rd and 3 into a 12 yard catch and run. Eat it and die, Defensive Coordinators. Mike Davis is still working on routes and getting off bumps but his upside is Everest and he will go from junior to first round pick before season’s end if Wyatt has anything to say about it. We are mainly using him as a deep threat but his intermediate routes will become more dangerous as we progress the offense further and face more zone blitzing.
Harris, Goodwin, and White will get more run when McCoy learns to check through progressions rather than bailing to the check down after Check 2. Harris continues to be huge in the run game while Goodwin apparently has anger issues in blocking. Overall, this group served well in all facets on Saturday and right now they are doing what is asked which is spell the running game and provide dimension. If that is all we need to be successful, then we’re set with this group but that isn’t the case. We’re gonna need these guys to play big in big games and I’m only truly confident in two of them. Its more of a question mark than a problem area but I would be more comforted if I felt like they were on the same level as the running backs.
TE
Holy Shit, we have Tight Ends that we actually use like to pass footballs to and stuff. The TE position is HUGE in the HarsinWhite offense so having a blocking dummy at this position would be disastrous. Getting DJ Grant to buy in is the opposite. 3 TD’s from a position was considered a problem area is beyond analogy. This was the brightest spot in a game that was full of promising returns. Simply huge.
OL
Huge holes for the running game, execution of assignments, and solid pass protection. Just a stellar effort all around. Walters is pulling with a rocket up his ass and Hopkins was coming off the line and trying not block guys but rather shove his mitts through their chest cavity. Searels’ biggest job with this group was an attitude change and we’re witnessing the transformation game after game. BYU was promising but UCLA was a testament to what we can be if we stay pissed off for four quarters.
It’s going to be difficult to curb the excitement centered around the O now that the QB position seems to be somewhat of a strength. We knew it would take time for everything to come together due to our complexity but it’s amazing how fast a group can learn an offense when they enjoy playing in it. Greg Davis be damned. We have two weeks to prepare for an inspired ISU team in Ames. I want to see the same product we tasted in LA only with a little less gristle and a lot more salt. Defense coming in another post.
It feels pretty good to be a Longhorn right now (eventual conference match-up with likes of Arizona and Washington State withstanding). I don’t usually take in away games anywhere other than my living room but Ben’s is an ideal place to cheer on the Horns. Ben is a True Orange Blood and yells at the screen as much as I do. He never allows my ice cubes to get dry and I love that about him. Being surrounded by other Burnt Orange-clad maniacs was also a good time which isn’t always the case. Cake, Johnny Mance Haynes (this is the dude’s real name. Amazing, right?), and JMH’s brother (I forgot your name when you asked about the Tech score), I look forward to many more viewing parties that include multiple Maker’s shots and victory cigars. We’re classy but not frilly. Take notes.
Offense- Look, a running game!
QB
We have to start with the biggest question going into the game. We’d gathered that running the ball was going to be the focal point and passing would be set up by our ability to get yards on the ground. It’s a scary thought but if it works, it serves as an amazing game plan. Granted, this requires a QB that is confident in his ability to execute his end of the bargain. A notion that Gilbert was never comfortable with given that his confidence seems to scheduled on a menstrual cycle. I questioned the started nod being given to Case as I was lead to believe that Ash was our true #2 in both ability and teammate votes. I was wrong. Given the situation we’re in- Lacking a true leader on offense and more freshmen than a Tri Delt panty raid- it is imperative that we play the guy that the team will respond to and rally around. Case is it as leader and confidence seem to be his guiding intangibles. Reminds me a little of another dude who once played here and was scorned early on for having a noodle for an arm. Case’s is more like a string bean but he makes the right decisions and is DaVinci when the play breaks down. It’s a refreshing feeling to have a guy behind Center who has the attitude that he won’t let us fail. I’ll take 12-15-168-2-0. They aren’t glaring numbers but if you watched the game then you know that hidden in those numbers is a leadership quality that GG simply lacks. Some guys have it, some guys don’t. Some guys drive to work, some guys get driven listening to Led Zeppelin IV while getting a blowie from the Mrs. And sipping on a heavy handed Old Fashioned. I’m just sayin’.
Ash is going to be special but it’s obvious that we’re obvious when he’s in the game. Does that sound right? Only once did he fake the Bruin D out with a fake zone read and toss to Ship for a 1st down. Plays like that are being set up by his obviousness but until we show that he is truly a substitute for McCoy rather than pace change, his snaps will be limited. He did hit on all three passes he threw so you gotta enjoy that. His shortcomings aren’t his fault right now. It’s based on scheme and opening up his mind. Time for Harsin to take him to a SoCal desert and introduce him to Chief Mushahaha.
RB
50-284-4 TD’s at 5.7 a clip is something we haven’t seen on the Forty Acres in quite some time. It’s also enough to cause me to molest the stat sheet. It was physical and emotional. I was firm but gentle. Malcolm Brown is the answer as the starter. I slow clapped after a five yard gain when he broke two tackles (one in the backfield) and feel forward trying to stretch for six. You can’t teach it. It’s innate. Like speed or the fact that all African Americans have rhythm. He is Thunder and Fozzy is the inevitable rainfall. Having someone as versatile as Fozzy is your back pocket for Wildcat packages in the red zone and on 3rd down is playing with house money. Fozzy is fast but glass when over utilized. He was constantly injured because we were asking him to take hits from linebackers rather than DB’s. Those days are dead and with them, 2nd and 9. DJ and Goodwin on speed sweeps and reverses makes Will Muschamp vomit and Greg Davis realize how out of the game he really was. Bringing in Bergeron to punish a tired D in the fourth quarter is just mean. I’m a big fan of this rushing attack. We are complex and unpredictable and shit! We’re only scratching the surface.
WR
Jaxon Shipley rides a dream dragon made from Napalm and Four Loko. I love that even Bob (sucks at life) Davie can call out Ship as the target on third down and he still gets open to turn 3rd and 3 into a 12 yard catch and run. Eat it and die, Defensive Coordinators. Mike Davis is still working on routes and getting off bumps but his upside is Everest and he will go from junior to first round pick before season’s end if Wyatt has anything to say about it. We are mainly using him as a deep threat but his intermediate routes will become more dangerous as we progress the offense further and face more zone blitzing.
Harris, Goodwin, and White will get more run when McCoy learns to check through progressions rather than bailing to the check down after Check 2. Harris continues to be huge in the run game while Goodwin apparently has anger issues in blocking. Overall, this group served well in all facets on Saturday and right now they are doing what is asked which is spell the running game and provide dimension. If that is all we need to be successful, then we’re set with this group but that isn’t the case. We’re gonna need these guys to play big in big games and I’m only truly confident in two of them. Its more of a question mark than a problem area but I would be more comforted if I felt like they were on the same level as the running backs.
TE
Holy Shit, we have Tight Ends that we actually use like to pass footballs to and stuff. The TE position is HUGE in the HarsinWhite offense so having a blocking dummy at this position would be disastrous. Getting DJ Grant to buy in is the opposite. 3 TD’s from a position was considered a problem area is beyond analogy. This was the brightest spot in a game that was full of promising returns. Simply huge.
OL
Huge holes for the running game, execution of assignments, and solid pass protection. Just a stellar effort all around. Walters is pulling with a rocket up his ass and Hopkins was coming off the line and trying not block guys but rather shove his mitts through their chest cavity. Searels’ biggest job with this group was an attitude change and we’re witnessing the transformation game after game. BYU was promising but UCLA was a testament to what we can be if we stay pissed off for four quarters.
It’s going to be difficult to curb the excitement centered around the O now that the QB position seems to be somewhat of a strength. We knew it would take time for everything to come together due to our complexity but it’s amazing how fast a group can learn an offense when they enjoy playing in it. Greg Davis be damned. We have two weeks to prepare for an inspired ISU team in Ames. I want to see the same product we tasted in LA only with a little less gristle and a lot more salt. Defense coming in another post.
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